Myshu FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold chupariffic

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from Orange, TX

  • Activity

    • Quote Log 14 (NeverSFW)

      7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic

      --- these chatlogs are a little dated, I admit
      Haruhi2: man internet mans are really mean to Ms. Semenya
      Haruhi2: i'm not sure that anyone with ambiguous genitalia will ever stop defaulting to "A FUCKIN MAN" on the internet
      Mozz: WOMEN default to a fuckin' man on the internet.
      Mozz: and in track and field.

      --- speaking of ambiguous genitalia
      maggiekarp: one time
      maggiekarp: my mom found dickgirl porn on the family computer
      maggiekarp: and I recall her saying that she hoped it was her brother's instead of her father's

      --- Indiana Jones 5?
      DK: Jesus FUCK
      DK: no more
      DK: no more
      DK: Indy looks like a raggedy chew toy
      DK: sounds like a devastated Great War survivor
      DK: NO MORE
      DK: "Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work," he said. "If the script is good, I'll be very happy to put the costume on again."
      DK: That script: WEEKEND AT INDY'S
      DK: But no one trusts him so he has to PUPPETEER his DEAD FATHER
      DK: HARRISON can SLEEP the entire time
      Myshu: lmao
      DK: This goes as far as the DARING FIGHT atop a racing truck in Palestine
      DK: The corpse falls off
      DK: Five minute shot of it rolling and bouncing along a rocky road, dragged
      DK: DUH DA DUH
      DK: Mutt laboriously pulling it back onto the truck
      DK: The Russians
      DK: Mutt finally gets it aboard, and suddenly a CGI SNAKE pops out of the eye socket and makes a goofy face
      DK: He nearly drops it off again, but the love interest LUNGES and catches it
      Hermit: DK this is horrible and probably the only way I could watch another Indy movie
      DK: I do what I can

    • If you've got a good idea...

      7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic

      Just do it. Don't waste time polling other people's opinions, or waiting for someone's approval, or sitting on it until whatever conditions you've fabricated are "just right." Stop telling yourself you're not ready, or don't have the skills, or the time, or that the idea just isn't good enough. It's already good because you like it and want to do it, and that's all you need.

      None of the things you're doing to procrastinate matter, and they're not going to help make your idea happen. Nothing and nobody can do that but you. You already know it's a good idea, so just get started, even if you're the only one who cares about it--even if nobody else gives a shit about your idea, because an idea is meaningless without action, something to give it life. There isn't anything inherently "good" or "bad" about an idea--it's what you do with the idea that ultimately gives it its character.

      So start now. And even when you've done your best and your idea has been fulfilled, if nobody still cares, that won't matter, either. You'll still have done something good.

      Because listen, we all know "Furry Red vs Blue" sounds supremely stupid on paper. You just have to roll with it.

    • Quote Log 13 (NeverSFW)

      7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic

      --- The Lurid Origins of Dragon Ball Z
      Haruhi: I hate people who think Dragonball takes place in Japan......
      Haruhi: It's a fictional world based on china dumbass....
      DK: Dragonball isn't based on anything but the despair Akira Toriyama found staring back up at him from the bottom of a sake bottle
      L_Cully: There has got to be some kind of homoeroticism involved
      maggiekarp: dk's just jealous of toriyama-san's high power level
      DK: A sumo was halfheartedly rooting around in his groin for a dropped spring roll
      DK: Both were too drunk to kick up a fuss at this indiginity; at least, that's what they told themselves
      DK: Oh and he was rooting with his face, I should've mentioned that
      L_Cully: lmao revolting, revolting
      L_Cully: And what of Mister Popo?
      DK: After drinking, Toriyama had a violent walrus in the toilet, and in his convulsions he looked at his own feces and saw the face of God (Mr. Popo is an anagram of Mr. Poop)
      L_Cully: why was his walrus BLACK
      L_Cully: that aint's natural
      DK: Old blood.
      DK: You don't even want to KNOW how he came up with the Red Ribbon Army
      DK: Piccolo was created because he was dating this chick from Osaka who played the piccolo and was trying very hard to impress her and he was like "I'll name a character after you, just pick one" and she pointed to a rough sketch of Piccolo. And he said "Why don't I name him Piccolo, because you play the Piccolo? ^-^" and she nodded and then said, so casually, so casually, the words like an icepick in his heart. "It's the only thing you've drawn here uglier than your penis."
      DK: They broke up shortly afterwards, he made piccolo a bad guy
      DK: But he always held a flame so later Piccolo became good again
      DK: Any other DB mysteries I can clear up
      maggiekarp: dk what kind of junk does piccolo have
      Haruhi: not a penis presumably
      Haruhi: he's a namek
      Haruhi: they use their mouth as a vagina
      maggiekarp: :(
      DK: In the original test drawings of the series, Oolong was nothing but a pair of diaphnous wings attached to a raging phallus some four feet long. Originally, Oolong was to ejaculate a wide variety of substances such as thumbtacks, ben-wa balls, dumplings, acid, pocky, yogurt, and liquid magma to reflect his mood. Goku was to tame him by pressing a senzu bean into his urethral mouth. This vision did not survive puritan editing.
      DK: -Few know that Yamcha is based on an older boy who was on Toriyama-San's track team during high school. Toriyama said of this unnamed figure, "I found him to be beautiful, but dangerous. His assaults upon my body were both welcome and agonizing."
      DK: -Bulma symbolizes Toriyama's brief fling with a female engineer, Natsuki Oshimoto. Her general vapid personality are believed to be a direct assault upon Natsuki's character, which Toriyama described scowlingly as "tenacious." When given the first four volumes of the Dragonball manga as a festival gift, Natsuki Oshimoto read them and promptly hanged herself from the shower rod.
      DK: -"Begita-san was born at a difficult moment in my life," Toriyama confides over remarkably non-penile oolong tea. "I was alone and isolated, angry following Natsuki's death, yet strangely pleased. There was a local man, Akira-san, with soft lips and slim wrists." At this point, Toriyama defers, but it's obvious he shared some primal connection with this man. "We justified it to ourselves as insect extermination," he explains. "Akira-san would come over. I would writhe on the floor and scream, pretending to be covered in cockroaches. He would kick and beat me until all the roaches were killed." From this tangled web of abuse and lust came the character of Begita.
      DK: Obviously Toriyama is a haunted soul
      DK: No wonder his art is so subtle and beautiful
      maggiekarp: the sad thing is DK just copied that one from wikipedia
      DK: -When asked about his primary motivation for creating long-running antagonist Brolli, Toriyama responded cryptically: "Dicks on my face. Dicks on my face and in my mouth, my eyes. World of dicks. Odyssey of dicks."
      Mozz: Odyssey of Dicks.
      Mozz: including the Island of the Semen-Eaters, Polyphallus the Giant One-Eyed Monster (ho ho ho)
      Mozz: 20 years later, having lost all his boners, he finally comes home and shoots a bunch of guys in the face.
      DK: -"In many ways Krillin is closest to me," Toriyama admits. The setting sun touches the side of his face, highlights his graying hair. "He is me. A part of me." He goes on to explain: "During a biking accident at university, I severely injured my genitalia crashing into a traffic barrier. My body flew over it and was struck by a car." He laughs, the memory of this past pain long gone. "I lay in stupor, gradually coming awake. There was a jar beside my bed, containing a doughy, dumpling like thing. I didn't understand it. At last I asked the nurse. She told me in no uncertain terms that it was my left testicle." He laughs again. "As I lay there between this world and the coldness of Yomi, my testicle watched over me. Krillin. Who could better serve as Goku's companion?"
      maggiekarp: that's beautiful ;_;
      * Myshu clap clap clap

    • Quote Log 12 (NeverSFW)

      7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic

      --- Final Fantasy VII
      Jack_Bauer: Seto got petrified because he smoked a shitload of weed and the mofo's still stoned, man.
      Myshu: helllll yeah
      Jack_Bauer: Give him like another decade, he'll come down
      Jack_Bauer: Serious munchies though
      Jack_Bauer: He'll eat Cloud's big emo character derailed face

      --- Blue Screen of Dick
      Myshu: ahaha FUCK I bluescreen'd, that was unpleasant
      Mozz: i'll bet.
      Myshu: Microsoft error report is as useful as ever, I must say
      Mozz: "SEND"
      Mozz: "DON'T SEND"
      Myshu: "You received this message because a hardware device, its driver, or related software has caused a blue screen error. This type of error means the computer has shut down abruptly to protect itself from potential data corruption or loss. In this case, we were unable to detect the specific device or driver that caused the problem."
      Myshu: This is basically Microsoft telling me, "Your computer ate a dick. We're not sure WHICH one--there's a lot of dicks out there."
      Mozz: "It might have eaten several. In a row."
      Mozz: "We don't know."
      Myshu: Great, and a bulleted list of suggestions too
      Myshu: * It could have eaten shit instead. Close any running assholes and restart the application.

      --- no shirt, no skateboard, no problem
      professor: So I had a student cut my class to play basketball downstairs in the gym today
      professor: and as I'm coming out of class, the kid's friend just whores him the hell out
      professor: "You got a STUDENT in there!" he says
      professor: "A student CUTTIN' YOUR CLASS!"
      professor: I just shake my head
      professor: and say
      professor: "Man, snitches get stitches."
      Mozz: XD
      Mozz: it's your duty as an educator to tell him this.
      professor: lmao I love that kid that skipped the class though
      professor: I probably shouldn't but he's just so friendly and belligerent about skipping it
      professor: Like I would've just walked past him on the way in but he's all
      professor: "HEY MISTER K!!!"
      professor: "Are you skipping my class?" I asked, not sounding too interested
      professor: "Nah man I'm gonna go get a t-shirt" (what the fuck?)
      professor: "You want a t-shirt?"
      professor: "No. Later, then"
      professor: He skipped my class.
      professor: Don't know the status of the T-shirt
      Mozz: heh
      Myshu: Wow.
      Myshu: I love this guy already
      Myshu: And you did NOT really say "snitches get stitches"
      professor: but I'm not upset about it
      professor: I just think it's funny
      professor: He makes C's and B's, he's obviously the kind of smart kid who doesn't really want to try that hard
      professor: I can deal with that
      professor: And yes I did say that but he didn't get a chance to respond because this idiot coach started yelling at him for having a skateboard
      professor: then he started yelling at one of my other students who runs the desk in the building for letting the guy in with a skateboard
      professor: "DON'T LET HIM IN WITH THAT"
      professor: "He wasn't riding it"
      professor: Anyway, this ass-chewing goes on for like thirty seconds, I'm just watching it
      professor: At about this point the kid who cut my class comes ambling out, nods at me
      professor: catches the end of the conversation, and says
      professor: "I didn't do anything!"
      professor: Coach: I know you didn't! DON'T LET PEOPLE BRING SKATEBOARDS IN!
      professor: This was just a huge clusterfuck thinking back on it
      L_Cully: Why aren't skateboards allowed in college
      professor: He brought it in the gym/physical health building
      professor: I teach upstairs there
      Angahith: because you can't just... dump it outside
      professor: Yes this was the impassioned argument the desk guy made
      professor: I settled for giving him moral support by shooting him a look behind the coach's back and rolling my eyes
      professor: Now I regret not making the "jerk off" gesture
      professor: but that would've been tempting fate I guess
      Mozz: heh
      Mozz: and remember
      Mozz: that coach gets a higher salary from the university than you.
      Mozz: you are a wise man, and know when it is safe to make the jerkoff gesture

      --- a dirty pun
      themis56: "Well if it makes you feel better, I submitted a photo of a statue/monument in Gettysburg, on my other user, and they deleted the deviation, suspended me for two weeks and said that I had submitted pornography."
      themis56: What is pornographic in Gettysburg
      themis56: is there like some statue of Lincoln composing the address in the nude
      Myshu: That would be a little awesome
      SaintNick: chinstrap pubes
      Hermit: Strategically placed stovepipe hat
      SaintNick: that's NOT a stovepipe hat
      themis56: or maybe there is a monument in tribute to the FORBIDDEN LUV of a Union and a Confederate solider on that battlefield?
      themis56: can love bloom on a battlefield? ;___;
      Mozz: love IS a battlefield, Themis.
      DK: "Four score and seventeen strokes ago, our foreskin slid back to reveal this cockinent, prime for fellation, conceiving a baby, and dedicated to the proposition that all positions are created equal. Now we are engaged with this great civil whore, testing whether that penis, or any penis so conceived and dedicated, can long endure. We are met between the heaving bosoms of that whore. We have come and dedicated a portion of that field, as a final resting place to the millions who here gave their lives and dried into a fine crust that the penis might spew. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this."
      Mozz: oh dear.
      * maggiekarp clap

    • Quote Log 11 (NeverSFW)

      7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic

      Buckle up; this one's a doozy.

      --- once they get going it's kinda hard to stop them ...bowchickabowow
      Myshu: Oh hey CHAT, spot me here
      Myshu: I need as many euphenisms for sex as y'all can think of
      DK: riding the bologna pony
      DK: tripping the light fantastic
      DK: making the beast with two backs
      DK: schtupping
      DK: digging for gold
      DK: pressin' mattress
      DK: takin' dick drive to pussy lane
      DK: hiding the salami
      DK: getting to know one another
      Mozz: poundit poundit poundit poundit
      Alek: Wanging the Chung
      DK: having a wet meat party
      Mozz: Pink Plains Driftin'
      * Agent|FUCK has joined
      Mozz: oh, yeah, that's a good one, AT
      DK: traversing the chunnel
      Alek: Hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing
      bionicfen: VERBING THE NOUN
      Alek: Harry Potter-ing your Chamber of Secrets
      DK: performing the slick skin symphony
      Agent|FUCK: Stabbin the Sarlacc pit
      DK: crossing the spoobicon
      Alek: Riding the Bomb
      Mozz: spoogicon
      Alek: boobicon
      DK: flesh pretzel
      DK: engaging in vigorous carnal discourse
      L_Culleany: coiting
      Alek: And, uh, Pedro.
      Mozz: heh
      Alek: Pedro?
      Alek: Yes ma'am. Pedro.
      Mozz: you've seen Varsity Blues too, eh Alek
      Alek: yeppers
      * Mozz surruptitiously hides a Kurt Vonnegut novel inside his playbook and reads that instead
      * Agent|FUCK is now known as AgentTon
      DK: parting the curtain
      AgentTon: Parting the red sea
      Alek: Around the World in 80 Seconds
      Alek: Journying to the Center of the Earth
      AgentTon: Prostastic
      DK: taking the Big Whale to the Moon
      DK: Killing Tellah
      DK: Climing Mt. Ordeals
      Mozz: reviving the power of the ORBS
      Mozz: junctioning the GF
      Alek: Impaling Aeris
      L_Culleany: Summoning Odin
      Mozz: Listening To My Story.
      DK: Filling her Journey with Laughter
      Alek: HA HA HA HA HA.
      Mozz: HA HA HA HA
      bionicfen: Effing the Bee
      L_Culleany: Finding the Seagull
      DK: Satisfying Leblanc
      L_Culleany: Plundering the Phoenix Cave
      DK: Feeding Cid some Fish
      Mozz: Mastering the Job System
      bionicfen: Being Captain Basch von Rosenburgh
      Alek: Playing the Golden Saucer
      DK: Exploring Burmecia
      L_Culleany: Finding the Pink Tail
      Mozz: we would also have accepted Fighting The Pink Puff
      AgentTon: Puff puff~
      Alek: Finding the Huge Materia
      Mozz: Having Sexual Intercourse.
      Mozz: oh, wait.
      Mozz: oops.
      Myshu: lmao fuck you
      Myshu: (ah shit that counts)
      DK: Giving the Slab to Dr. Unne
      DK: Waking the Elven Prince
      DK: Exploring the Marsh Cave (ewwwwww)
      Mozz: Giving Matoya the Crystal
      Alek: Banging the Odine Bangle
      Alek: Playing Bang a Banga
      Myshu: Chocobang Hot & Cold
      AgentTon: Banging the drum slowly.
      AgentTon: Bridge Over the River Thigh.
      DK: Putting Cloud in a Wheelchair
      L_Culleany: TCELES B GNIHSUP
      AgentTon: Riding the rocket to Erectiontown.
      AgentTon: Thinking with Pornals.
      Mozz: Raising Ophelia
      DK: Unleashing the Id
      DK: Crucifying Chu-Chu
      AgentTon: Chu-Chu Pocket.
      AgentTon: someone out there has to call their vagina that.
      L_Culleany: Uniting the Democratic Party
      DK: Earning Fifteen Silver Points
      DK: Yanking Ozzie's Chain
      Myshu: ewwwww
      Mozz: Eating the Power Mushroom
      DK: Climbing into Kuribo's Shoe
      L_Culleany: Finding Schala
      DK: lmaso
      Myshu: Sleeping in the Enertron
      Alek: Mastering the Mastermune
      AgentTon: Minding the Gap.
      DK: Pouring Wine onto Toma's Grave
      AgentTon: Racing Jonny.
      DK: Delivering the Beef Jerky
      L_Culleany: Breaking the Time Egg
      DK: Tickling the Nu
      Alek: Beating the Green Jogger
      AgentTon: Feeding the pussies.
      L_Culleany: Tiger Apricot
      DK: Burning the Plant
      Myshu: Riding the Epoch
      Myshu: Ringing Leene's Bell
      L_Culleany: Laying the Master Sword to Rest
      Mozz: shooting the silver arrows
      L_Culleany: Catching the Fairy
      DK: Feeding the Red Yoshi
      L_Culleany: adfsdas
      L_Culleany: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwuh
      L_Culleany: Launching the Shell
      AgentTon: Floating the Peach.
      DK: Stomping Bowser
      Alek: Eating the Shyguy
      L_Culleany: Pressing the Witness
      L_Culleany: Presenting the Evidence
      Myshu: Phoenix Drive
      Mozz: Closing The Case, Cully.
      L_Culleany: Examining the Scene
      AgentTon: Bomping the Bullet Bill.
      DK: Cracking the Psyche-Lock
      L_Culleany: Channeling the Mentor
      DK: Meeting Pearly
      AgentTon: Visiting the Mushroom Kingdom.
      DK: Entering the Warp Zone
      Mozz: Using Cerebro
      Mozz: Entering the Danger Room
      Alek: Playing the Magic Flute
      DK: But Doctor, I fucked Pagliacci
      Stellaluna: Blowing the Ocarina of Time
      L_Culleany: Feeding Boco a couple of Zeio Nuts
      Myshu: Using the G-Diffuser
      AgentTon: Kuribo's Blew
      L_Culleany: Riding the Hiryuu
      AgentTon: Dry Boned.
      Mozz: smashing the pumpkins
      DK: Waiting for the Blue Shell
      L_Culleany: Squatting Down the Pipe
      DK: Entering the Toad House
      L_Culleany: Refusing To Let The Future Change
      AgentTon: Oohmba.
      DK: Removing the Limiter
      AgentTon: Boo Diddler.
      L_Culleany: Shooting the Rabid Dog
      AgentTon: Shooting the Duck Hunt Dog.
      DK: That'll Do, Pig

    • Quote Log 10 (NeverSFW)

      7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic

      --- no-man's chat
      * Cadet56 has joined
      * Cadet56 has left
      DK: the army makes a man brave
      DK: but not THAT brave

      --- how viruses think
      Sancdar: alirght guys time to do more virus cleaning
      Sancdar: boo for trojan dlls that link to every fucking process on my system
      Sancdar: "notepad.exe needs to access the internet to download more viruses, is this okay?"
      maggiekarp: "no"
      maggiekarp: "are you sure?"
      maggiekarp: "n- wait a minute"
      maggiekarp: "hahhaha fuck you human"

      --- mystical chamberpot
      Rydia: i'm so glad obama gave the winston churchill bust back to the british
      Rydia: just look at the fucking thing
      Rydia: how hideous
      Rydia: apparently churchill was that ceo guy from x-men 1 when he got mutated
      Sancdar: he looks like a shit genie
      Sancdar: also the dude was a senator
      Rydia: w/e
      Angahith: XD
      Angahith: shit genie
      Sancdar: rub the mystical chamberpot
      Sancdar: and if you are lucky a shit genie will appear

      --- Stone Cold Dungeons and Dragons
      Mozz: anyway yeah, what little i've read of dnd/classic d20 seems too rule and tables heavy and puts me off.
      Donraj: I didn't think it was so bad before I tried WoD
      Donraj: But then the only thing I had to compare it to was, uh
      Donraj: 2nd edition D&D
      Mozz: the WoD system is at the right level of dice rolling geekery but not getting in the way of storytelling geekery.
      DK: Well, the thing with WoD is it is very easy to remember
      DK: you add two numbers together, roll that many dice, count the result
      DK: of course the 3:16 system is even more minimal
      Rydia: is that where you call in steve austin to perform a body slam

      --- Final Fantasy Dissidia
      DK: Man I can't get behind 589, I'm sorry. It's not even a gay thing, it's a crossover thing. I couldn't enjoy 589 if it were Faris, Selphie, and Garnet placed in some Rube Goldbergian fuck configuration that would get off a damn Venusian.
      Alek: Sephiroth only lasts a minute and a half with Ultimecia. But I mean that's with Time Kompression
      Alek: So like three minutes
      L_Cully: "I see you are a multilayered character," Kefka remarks as Onion Knight bleeds to death at his feet
      L_Cully: "LMAO" he dances
      maggiekarp: tch fran ain't furry
      maggiekarp: she is like boning a playboy bunny on a bear skin rug at worst
      themis56: I've been playing some FFX blitzball
      themis56: and I sometimes get into it
      themis56: I yell at my players
      themis56: I'm like their coach
      Mozz: sadly themis, in x2 you are their coach
      Mozz: and you coach a team of losers
      themis56: I prefer my way
      Mozz: the coaching strategy in X1 is just like that episode of Fresh Prince
      Mozz: where will joins the basketball team
      Mozz: "what's our imbound play coach?"
      Mozz: "...Pass it to Will."
      DK: I'm sorry, every bit of humor re: jecht is forever downhill from that hilarious conversation I had about him with Black years ago
      DK: Where we postulated that the final battle of FFX should've been a blitzball duel
      DK: Jecht vs. your team, with moves like Jecht Shot MK. VI which involves ripping Tidus's head off and kicking it into the goal for a point

      --- monster washers
      Rydia: okay so i just saw this commerical
      Rydia: with a monster truck going up a ramp and driving on top of two rows of washing machines
      Rydia: and at the bottom it says * do not try this at home
      Rydia: whose home is that
      Mozz: Gravedigger's.
      Rydia: i guess they have to be cautious
      Rydia: but how are you going to get two long rows of washing machines and a monster truck
      Rydia: maybe they're warning against driving a truck through a laundromat

    • 7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic
    • Quote Log 9 (NeverSFW)

      7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic

      --- Aladdin at the opera
      Seris: riff-raff
      maggiekarp: street rat
      maggiekarp: YOU DID THIS TO ME
      Seris: i dont
      maggiekarp: buy that
      Seris: if only theyd look closer
      Seris: would they see a poor boy
      maggiekarp: no siree
      Seris: NO SIR-EE
      Seris: theyd find out
      maggiekarp: there's so much more
      Seris: to
      maggiekarp: meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
      * maggiekarp strangle duet
      Seris: my theory is proven
      Seris: the reprise is the only song that 1) everybody knows and 2) will sing along to when prompted
      Mozz: never heard of it.
      Seris: mozz i am going to cum in your hair
      maggiekarp: it's only like three lines seris
      Seris: exactly
      maggiekarp: celes could memorize that shit
      Seris: yeah but that bitch would hella ham that shit up
      maggiekarp: "warb warb BLAR BARL bler warb BARB WARB"
      maggiekarp: (everyone in ff6 speaks in warbles)
      maggiekarp: (it's like mario sunshine but arousing)
      Seris: she let all that opera star crap get to her head so whenever she sings now shes just a big show off and everybody rolls their eyes at her when she opens her mouth
      Seris: "RiiiIIIFF Raaaffff"
      Seris: "stlllleeeet raaaaaaat"
      Seris: locke is all "EDGAR SABIN get over here and shove your dicks in my ear and drown this shit OUT"
      Seris: they oblige, happily
      maggiekarp: they like the song that was their favorite movie growing up
      Seris: they high-five over locks head

      --- sea turtle eggs
      DK: God like
      DK: it's only ironically but I love Kesha
      DK: she's litereally like Lady Gaga's retarded sister who's been into some lead based paints
      DK: just eating them all day
      DK: just doing deranged shit that makes zero sense
      maggiekarp: DK rewrite the Parent Trap to star Kesha and Lady Gaga
      DK: who are the parents
      maggiekarp: Madonna and Cee-Lo Green
      * DK writin'
      - a few minutes later -
      DK: "Gaga! You GET OUTTA THAT ROOM, it's time for ya show!" Daddy Cee-Lo ranted, flailing his tiny rexarms as if he were trying to pedal an invisible bicycle that you pedaled with your hands. He was wearing his sunglasses like always cause he was high as all fuck even though it was seven am on a Sunday. As he waited for his daughter, he perambulated about the hallway, colliding with doorframes and rebounding, an erratic black meteorite.
      DK: The Haus of Gaga (feat. Cee-Lo) was a Narnian warren of secret passages and eldritch chambers, throbbing with strange light, full of body glitter and sex toys shaped like they were made for pleasuring aliens. Cee-Lo had seen many things within its walls, things man was not meant to see, things like loose collections of limbs slapped together, sprayed with liquid latex, and set to dancing to barely concealed Ace of Base Samples.
      DK: Thus, when the door opened, he never expected to be surprised. Gaga - Kesha - stood there, wearing lycra bicycle shorts and a pink tank top that read AQUAMAN IS MY PUSSY INSPECTOR.
      DK: She wore an LA Clippers cap glued to a NY Yankees cap glued to a Harlem Globetrotters cap glued to a Red Wings cap, bills sticking out from her head in every cardinal direction like the world's most retarded Zelda monster. Fifteen of those metal slap bracelets that were a big deal at school for like three weeks when you were in sixth grade glimmered on each of her arms and she had curled a neon green pool noodle about her midriff.
      DK: The crotch of the bicycle shorts had been cut out, but three novelty pushpins of Mount Rushmore driven into the pool noodle held a dishtowel emblazoned with Spongebob Squarepants as a veil over her mons, a crotch hijab both merciful and utterly moronic.
      DK: On one leg, she wore an imitation Wolverine boot (blue and black classic X-Men version), on the other a pair of neon green fishnets that a bag lady at Grand Central station had used as a desperate and utterly ineffective maxi pad, Rorschach-blotted with uterine effluvia.
      DK: Crackerjack-box rings and coke can pull tabs glimmered on every finger. A nose stud revealed Dizzy, the mascot of the Atlanta Olympics. A combination of school paste and roadie semen cemented painted cheerios on her face in patterns that recalled the angry, inchoate, and incoherent handwriting of a calligraphist-cum-stroke victm.
      DK: Pink Hello Kitty hipster glasses. A scarf made out of a Bugles bag. Blue lip gloss. And body glitter, so much body glitter. It hung in the air, a mobile cloud of funk. It stung Daddy Cee-Lo's eyes, even behind their protective glasses.
      DK: "How do oi look, Daddyums?" Kesha said, desperately trying to fake a Mother Monster accent but not quite freeing herself of her nasal twang.
      DK: "Fuck you."
      DK: ---THE END---
      * Myshu spittake
      Myshu: How is that poor child able to walk
      Myshu: She just has to waddle around, glitter and scraps of cloth falling in her wake like Okami flowers
      DK: Well in this version of the Parent Trap she's just well, as she is
      DK: it's just totally inexplicable but there it is
      DK: why were she and Gaga, as grown women, even at Summer Camp
      DK: Meanwhile Gaga is choking down one of Madonna's dinners which is just an ashtray full of cigarette butts and those big, cheap, puffy, virulently orange Cheeze Doodles
      DK: "This is your favorite, Kesha, I don't understand!"
      DK: "I guess at least you'll have enough room for dessert!" It's store-bought banana pudding served in a glitter-filled woman's pump.
      DK: Gaga eats it. The glitter is cutting her gums.
      DK: Cutting deep.

    • Quote Log 8 (NeverSFW)

      7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic

      I think I might have found my single favorite video on all of youtube.

      But anyway, back to the chat.

      Donraj: I always have trouble keeping the Chinese words for 'left' and 'right' straight
      Alek: LEFTU
      Alek: RIGHTU
      Alek: Oh, Chinese.
      Donraj: And the only meme I can ever think of to make them stick in my head is the fact that the one for 'right' looks/sounds like the character for 'oil'
      Donraj: So I try to remember to just think of the Republicans whenever it comes up

      themis56: huh, this one NJ guy named his kids after Nazis
      themis56: FATHER OF THE YEAR
      themis56: oh lawds: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell,
      themis56: Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell
      themis56: You can name a girl Aryan Nation now?
      DK: "What's the A.N. stand for?"
      DK: "Nothing, it's like the S. in Truman"
      maggiekarp: more or less stupid than Sephiroth
      DK: Less. I mean it's arguably more loathesome, but it does display devotion to a philosophy that actually exists, though it is terrible
      DK: Naming a child Sephiroth displays a devotion to Final Fantasy VII
      maggiekarp: good answer
      themis56: I await the kid named Don Corneo

      DK: Also listen I'm just gonna come out and say this
      DK: Batman should be fucking ashamed that the Joker can hold his own with him in a physical fight most of the time
      DK: I mean Batman like trained with evry martial arts master ever
      DK: Joker's a crazy guy
      DK: The two shouldn't match up
      Alek: Well it's Crazy vs. Karate
      Mozz: i don't know karate
      Mozz: but i know ka-RAZY
      AgentTon: Joker's got that wirey psycho energy.
      bionicfen: the joker does not feel pain, man
      bionicfen: ever
      bionicfen: or rather he likes it
      bionicfen: also it's kind of like you know how there was that one kid
      bionicfen: back in junior high
      bionicfen: who like went out of his way to get beaten up
      bionicfen: and then he'd make creepy moaning sounds while it happened
      bionicfen: and then eventually nobody wanted to smack him around anymore because it was just kind of gross
      bionicfen: well it's like that
      AgentTon: Fen
      AgentTon: That was you.

      Dogu: The Wall is on VH1... and I'm out of drugs...
      Mozz: curses,
      Mozz: you'll just have to try and enjoy The Wall.... SOBER
      * Mozz dun dun dun
      Dogu: CANNOT BE DONE!
      * Mozz ominous minor chord

      --- pawne shoppe
      Myshu: So today at work I watched an act of female ejaculation on a customer's computer
      Sancdar: why?
      Mozz: why NOT
      Mozz: oh wait um
      maggiekarp: it was just pee shu
      maggiekarp: don't get your hopes up, there is nothing good for us
      DK: It's sadly a hotly debated topic
      DK: apparently it's a pee like fluid
      DK: or something I don't even know
      Angahith: Supposedly it contains only traces of pee, because it is expelled through the urethra
      Sancdar: well
      Sancdar: it's a pawn shop
      Sancdar: was he pawning the porn?
      Sancdar: was he pawning the computer and wanted to demonstrate the video capabilities?
      Sancdar: was he pawning her fluids and needed to show the origin?
      Sancdar: also i guess if i pawned my computer i would encrypt all my porn
      Sancdar: but also i wouldn't pawn my computer
      Myshu: Well the customer wasn't there, it was a pulled item and we were "cleaning" it
      Myshu: When the owner finished gaping at what we found he asked WHY we were watching that, and I responded, "Well we have to FIND the porn before we can delete it, right?"
      maggiekarp: hehehe
      Myshu: The video in question is pretty hilarious
      Sancdar: describe in vivid detail
      * Sancdar takes notes
      Myshu: It's a white girl jilling off on a bed while a big black guy crouches at the foot and observes closely, wearing safety goggles
      Myshu: We're wondering why the hell he's dressed like so for about thirty seconds before the GYSER kinda answers it
      Sancdar: oh
      Sancdar: i think i know who the star is
      * Sancdar cough cough
      * Myshu raised eyebrow
      Sancdar: well there's only one porn star who could produce enough force to require safety goggles
      Sancdar: just saying
      Sancdar: i mean there might be more
      Sancdar: but i hope not
      Sancdar: someday she will have sex and accidentally puncture the dude's abdomen with her ejaculate
      Sancdar: A CRIME OF PASSION
      Myshu: Well whoever she was, for the next half hour I couldn't quit chirping "skeet skeet" in front of customers
      maggiekarp: why does that sound cute
      Myshu: See? It does
      Myshu: Actually my first comment on the whole thing was, "I thought that was a myth..."
      Myshu: manager: "I... guess not? Oh look, his goggles have little windshield wipers! That's so funny"
      Angahith: HAHAHAHAHA
      maggiekarp: windshieljlc

    • A Field Trip To Jack...

      7 years ago

      Myshu chupariffic

      ...Patillo's Bar-B-Q.

      A few of you might recall this establishment being mentioned on podcast #123. It's in Beaumont, TX--and hell, I work in that town--so I'd meant to go check it out for a while.

      Since I worked an early shift today, I finally got a good chance this afternoon. As soon as I got off work, I brought my camera and an appetite for BBQ.
      Hah, it even has a rooster on top. How ironic.
      Weird, it doesn't look open...
      Hey, what's that on the door?

      tl;dr I'm at home eating a microwave hot dog.

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