7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- these chatlogs are a little dated, I admit
Haruhi2: man internet mans are really mean to Ms. Semenya
Haruhi2: i'm not sure that anyone with ambiguous genitalia will ever stop defaulting to "A FUCKIN MAN" on the internet
Mozz: WOMEN default to a fuckin' man on the internet.
Mozz: and in track and field.
--- speaking of ambiguous genitalia
maggiekarp: one time
maggiekarp: my mom found dickgirl porn on the family computer
maggiekarp: and I recall her saying that she hoped it was her brother's instead of her father's
--- Indiana Jones 5?
DK: Jesus FUCK
DK: no more
DK: no more
DK: Indy looks like a raggedy chew toy
DK: sounds like a devastated Great War survivor
DK: NO MORE
DK: "Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work," he said. "If the script is good, I'll be very happy to put the costume on again."
DK: That script: WEEKEND AT INDY'S
DK: MUTT'S ON THE CASE to find THE LANCE OF LONGINUS
DK: But no one trusts him so he has to PUPPETEER his DEAD FATHER
DK: HARRISON can SLEEP the entire time
DK: This goes as far as the DARING FIGHT atop a racing truck in Palestine
DK: The corpse falls off
DK: Five minute shot of it rolling and bouncing along a rocky road, dragged
DK: DUH DA DUH DA
DK: DUH DA DUH
DK: Mutt laboriously pulling it back onto the truck
DK: The Russians
DK: "THIS DAMN JONES WILL NOT DIE"
DK: Mutt finally gets it aboard, and suddenly a CGI SNAKE pops out of the eye socket and makes a goofy face
DK: He nearly drops it off again, but the love interest LUNGES and catches it
Hermit: DK this is horrible and probably the only way I could watch another Indy movie
DK: I do what I can
7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
Just do it. Don't waste time polling other people's opinions, or waiting for someone's approval, or sitting on it until whatever conditions you've fabricated are "just right." Stop telling yourself you're not ready, or don't have the skills, or the time, or that the idea just isn't good enough. It's already good because you like it and want to do it, and that's all you need.
None of the things you're doing to procrastinate matter, and they're not going to help make your idea happen. Nothing and nobody can do that but you. You already know it's a good idea, so just get started, even if you're the only one who cares about it--even if nobody else gives a shit about your idea, because an idea is meaningless without action, something to give it life. There isn't anything inherently "good" or "bad" about an idea--it's what you do with the idea that ultimately gives it its character.
So start now. And even when you've done your best and your idea has been fulfilled, if nobody still cares, that won't matter, either. You'll still have done something good.
Because listen, we all know "Furry Red vs Blue" sounds supremely stupid on paper. You just have to roll with it.
7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- The Lurid Origins of Dragon Ball Z
Haruhi: I hate people who think Dragonball takes place in Japan......
Haruhi: It's a fictional world based on china dumbass....
DK: Dragonball isn't based on anything but the despair Akira Toriyama found staring back up at him from the bottom of a sake bottle
DK: WELCOME TO DBZ WORLD, IT'S LIKE EARTH BUT WITH DINOSAURS AND MANY DISABILITIES
L_Cully: There has got to be some kind of homoeroticism involved
maggiekarp: dk's just jealous of toriyama-san's high power level
DK: A sumo was halfheartedly rooting around in his groin for a dropped spring roll
DK: Both were too drunk to kick up a fuss at this indiginity; at least, that's what they told themselves
DK: Oh and he was rooting with his face, I should've mentioned that
L_Cully: lmao revolting, revolting
L_Cully: And what of Mister Popo?
DK: After drinking, Toriyama had a violent walrus in the toilet, and in his convulsions he looked at his own feces and saw the face of God (Mr. Popo is an anagram of Mr. Poop)
L_Cully: why was his walrus BLACK
L_Cully: that aint's natural
DK: Old blood.
DK: You don't even want to KNOW how he came up with the Red Ribbon Army
DK: Piccolo was created because he was dating this chick from Osaka who played the piccolo and was trying very hard to impress her and he was like "I'll name a character after you, just pick one" and she pointed to a rough sketch of Piccolo. And he said "Why don't I name him Piccolo, because you play the Piccolo? ^-^" and she nodded and then said, so casually, so casually, the words like an icepick in his heart. "It's the only thing you've drawn here uglier than your penis."
DK: They broke up shortly afterwards, he made piccolo a bad guy
DK: But he always held a flame so later Piccolo became good again
DK: Any other DB mysteries I can clear up
maggiekarp: dk what kind of junk does piccolo have
Haruhi: not a penis presumably
Haruhi: he's a namek
Haruhi: they use their mouth as a vagina
DK: In the original test drawings of the series, Oolong was nothing but a pair of diaphnous wings attached to a raging phallus some four feet long. Originally, Oolong was to ejaculate a wide variety of substances such as thumbtacks, ben-wa balls, dumplings, acid, pocky, yogurt, and liquid magma to reflect his mood. Goku was to tame him by pressing a senzu bean into his urethral mouth. This vision did not survive puritan editing.
DK: -Few know that Yamcha is based on an older boy who was on Toriyama-San's track team during high school. Toriyama said of this unnamed figure, "I found him to be beautiful, but dangerous. His assaults upon my body were both welcome and agonizing."
DK: -Bulma symbolizes Toriyama's brief fling with a female engineer, Natsuki Oshimoto. Her general vapid personality are believed to be a direct assault upon Natsuki's character, which Toriyama described scowlingly as "tenacious." When given the first four volumes of the Dragonball manga as a festival gift, Natsuki Oshimoto read them and promptly hanged herself from the shower rod.
DK: -"Begita-san was born at a difficult moment in my life," Toriyama confides over remarkably non-penile oolong tea. "I was alone and isolated, angry following Natsuki's death, yet strangely pleased. There was a local man, Akira-san, with soft lips and slim wrists." At this point, Toriyama defers, but it's obvious he shared some primal connection with this man. "We justified it to ourselves as insect extermination," he explains. "Akira-san would come over. I would writhe on the floor and scream, pretending to be covered in cockroaches. He would kick and beat me until all the roaches were killed." From this tangled web of abuse and lust came the character of Begita.
DK: Obviously Toriyama is a haunted soul
DK: No wonder his art is so subtle and beautiful
maggiekarp: the sad thing is DK just copied that one from wikipedia
DK: -When asked about his primary motivation for creating long-running antagonist Brolli, Toriyama responded cryptically: "Dicks on my face. Dicks on my face and in my mouth, my eyes. World of dicks. Odyssey of dicks."
Mozz: Odyssey of Dicks.
Mozz: including the Island of the Semen-Eaters, Polyphallus the Giant One-Eyed Monster (ho ho ho)
Mozz: 20 years later, having lost all his boners, he finally comes home and shoots a bunch of guys in the face.
DK: -"In many ways Krillin is closest to me," Toriyama admits. The setting sun touches the side of his face, highlights his graying hair. "He is me. A part of me." He goes on to explain: "During a biking accident at university, I severely injured my genitalia crashing into a traffic barrier. My body flew over it and was struck by a car." He laughs, the memory of this past pain long gone. "I lay in stupor, gradually coming awake. There was a jar beside my bed, containing a doughy, dumpling like thing. I didn't understand it. At last I asked the nurse. She told me in no uncertain terms that it was my left testicle." He laughs again. "As I lay there between this world and the coldness of Yomi, my testicle watched over me. Krillin. Who could better serve as Goku's companion?"
maggiekarp: that's beautiful ;_;
* Myshu clap clap clap
7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- Final Fantasy VII
Jack_Bauer: Seto got petrified because he smoked a shitload of weed and the mofo's still stoned, man.
Myshu: helllll yeah
Jack_Bauer: Give him like another decade, he'll come down
Jack_Bauer: Serious munchies though
Jack_Bauer: He'll eat Cloud's big emo character derailed face
--- Blue Screen of Dick
Myshu: ahaha FUCK I bluescreen'd, that was unpleasant
Mozz: i'll bet.
Myshu: Microsoft error report is as useful as ever, I must say
Mozz: "DON'T SEND"
Mozz: "SPOILER: THIS IS A FALSE CHOICE"
Myshu: "You received this message because a hardware device, its driver, or related software has caused a blue screen error. This type of error means the computer has shut down abruptly to protect itself from potential data corruption or loss. In this case, we were unable to detect the specific device or driver that caused the problem."
Myshu: This is basically Microsoft telling me, "Your computer ate a dick. We're not sure WHICH one--there's a lot of dicks out there."
Mozz: "It might have eaten several. In a row."
Mozz: "We don't know."
Myshu: Great, and a bulleted list of suggestions too
Myshu: * It could have eaten shit instead. Close any running assholes and restart the application.
--- no shirt, no skateboard, no problem
professor: So I had a student cut my class to play basketball downstairs in the gym today
professor: and as I'm coming out of class, the kid's friend just whores him the hell out
professor: "You got a STUDENT in there!" he says
professor: "A student CUTTIN' YOUR CLASS!"
professor: I just shake my head
professor: and say
professor: "Man, snitches get stitches."
Mozz: it's your duty as an educator to tell him this.
professor: lmao I love that kid that skipped the class though
professor: I probably shouldn't but he's just so friendly and belligerent about skipping it
professor: Like I would've just walked past him on the way in but he's all
professor: "HEY MISTER K!!!"
professor: "Are you skipping my class?" I asked, not sounding too interested
professor: "Nah man I'm gonna go get a t-shirt" (what the fuck?)
professor: "You want a t-shirt?"
professor: "No. Later, then"
professor: He skipped my class.
professor: Don't know the status of the T-shirt
Myshu: I love this guy already
Myshu: And you did NOT really say "snitches get stitches"
professor: but I'm not upset about it
professor: I just think it's funny
professor: He makes C's and B's, he's obviously the kind of smart kid who doesn't really want to try that hard
professor: I can deal with that
professor: And yes I did say that but he didn't get a chance to respond because this idiot coach started yelling at him for having a skateboard
professor: then he started yelling at one of my other students who runs the desk in the building for letting the guy in with a skateboard
professor: "DON'T LET HIM IN WITH THAT"
professor: "He wasn't riding it"
professor: "STILL HE DON'T NEED TO BRING IN THIS TRASH"
professor: Anyway, this ass-chewing goes on for like thirty seconds, I'm just watching it
professor: At about this point the kid who cut my class comes ambling out, nods at me
professor: catches the end of the conversation, and says
professor: "I didn't do anything!"
professor: Coach: I know you didn't! DON'T LET PEOPLE BRING SKATEBOARDS IN!
professor: This was just a huge clusterfuck thinking back on it
L_Cully: Why aren't skateboards allowed in college
professor: He brought it in the gym/physical health building
professor: I teach upstairs there
Angahith: because you can't just... dump it outside
professor: Yes this was the impassioned argument the desk guy made
professor: I settled for giving him moral support by shooting him a look behind the coach's back and rolling my eyes
professor: Now I regret not making the "jerk off" gesture
professor: but that would've been tempting fate I guess
Mozz: and remember
Mozz: that coach gets a higher salary from the university than you.
Mozz: you are a wise man, and know when it is safe to make the jerkoff gesture
--- a dirty pun
themis56: "Well if it makes you feel better, I submitted a photo of a statue/monument in Gettysburg, on my other user, and they deleted the deviation, suspended me for two weeks and said that I had submitted pornography."
themis56: What is pornographic in Gettysburg
themis56: is there like some statue of Lincoln composing the address in the nude
Myshu: That would be a little awesome
SaintNick: chinstrap pubes
Hermit: Strategically placed stovepipe hat
SaintNick: that's NOT a stovepipe hat
themis56: or maybe there is a monument in tribute to the FORBIDDEN LUV of a Union and a Confederate solider on that battlefield?
themis56: can love bloom on a battlefield? ;___;
Mozz: love IS a battlefield, Themis.
DK: "Four score and seventeen strokes ago, our foreskin slid back to reveal this cockinent, prime for fellation, conceiving a baby, and dedicated to the proposition that all positions are created equal. Now we are engaged with this great civil whore, testing whether that penis, or any penis so conceived and dedicated, can long endure. We are met between the heaving bosoms of that whore. We have come and dedicated a portion of that field, as a final resting place to the millions who here gave their lives and dried into a fine crust that the penis might spew. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this."
Mozz: oh dear.
* maggiekarp clap
7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
Buckle up; this one's a doozy.
--- once they get going it's kinda hard to stop them ...bowchickabowow
Myshu: Oh hey CHAT, spot me here
Myshu: I need as many euphenisms for sex as y'all can think of
DK: riding the bologna pony
DK: tripping the light fantastic
DK: making the beast with two backs
DK: digging for gold
DK: pressin' mattress
DK: takin' dick drive to pussy lane
DK: hiding the salami
DK: getting to know one another
Mozz: poundit poundit poundit poundit
Alek: Wanging the Chung
DK: having a wet meat party
Mozz: Pink Plains Driftin'
* Agent|FUCK has joined
Mozz: oh, yeah, that's a good one, AT
DK: traversing the chunnel
Alek: Hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing
bionicfen: VERBING THE NOUN
Alek: Harry Potter-ing your Chamber of Secrets
DK: performing the slick skin symphony
Agent|FUCK: Stabbin the Sarlacc pit
DK: crossing the spoobicon
Alek: Riding the Bomb
DK: flesh pretzel
DK: engaging in vigorous carnal discourse
Alek: And, uh, Pedro.
Alek: Yes ma'am. Pedro.
Mozz: you've seen Varsity Blues too, eh Alek
* Mozz surruptitiously hides a Kurt Vonnegut novel inside his playbook and reads that instead
* Agent|FUCK is now known as AgentTon
DK: parting the curtain
AgentTon: Parting the red sea
Alek: Around the World in 80 Seconds
Alek: Journying to the Center of the Earth
DK: taking the Big Whale to the Moon
DK: Killing Tellah
DK: Climing Mt. Ordeals
Mozz: reviving the power of the ORBS
Mozz: junctioning the GF
Alek: Impaling Aeris
L_Culleany: Summoning Odin
Mozz: Listening To My Story.
DK: Filling her Journey with Laughter
Alek: HA HA HA HA HA.
Mozz: HA HA HA HA
bionicfen: Effing the Bee
L_Culleany: Finding the Seagull
DK: Satisfying Leblanc
L_Culleany: Plundering the Phoenix Cave
DK: Feeding Cid some Fish
Mozz: Mastering the Job System
bionicfen: Being Captain Basch von Rosenburgh
Alek: Playing the Golden Saucer
DK: Exploring Burmecia
L_Culleany: Finding the Pink Tail
Mozz: we would also have accepted Fighting The Pink Puff
AgentTon: Puff puff~
Alek: Finding the Huge Materia
Mozz: Having Sexual Intercourse.
Mozz: oh, wait.
Myshu: lmao fuck you
Myshu: (ah shit that counts)
DK: Giving the Slab to Dr. Unne
DK: Waking the Elven Prince
DK: Exploring the Marsh Cave (ewwwwww)
Mozz: Giving Matoya the Crystal
Alek: Banging the Odine Bangle
Alek: Playing Bang a Banga
Myshu: Chocobang Hot & Cold
AgentTon: Banging the drum slowly.
AgentTon: Bridge Over the River Thigh.
DK: Putting Cloud in a Wheelchair
L_Culleany: TCELES B GNIHSUP
AgentTon: Riding the rocket to Erectiontown.
AgentTon: Thinking with Pornals.
Mozz: Raising Ophelia
DK: Unleashing the Id
DK: Crucifying Chu-Chu
AgentTon: Chu-Chu Pocket.
AgentTon: someone out there has to call their vagina that.
L_Culleany: Uniting the Democratic Party
DK: Earning Fifteen Silver Points
DK: Yanking Ozzie's Chain
Mozz: Eating the Power Mushroom
DK: Climbing into Kuribo's Shoe
L_Culleany: Finding Schala
Myshu: Sleeping in the Enertron
Alek: Mastering the Mastermune
AgentTon: Minding the Gap.
DK: Pouring Wine onto Toma's Grave
AgentTon: Racing Jonny.
DK: Delivering the Beef Jerky
L_Culleany: Breaking the Time Egg
DK: Tickling the Nu
Alek: Beating the Green Jogger
AgentTon: Feeding the pussies.
L_Culleany: Tiger Apricot
DK: Burning the Plant
Myshu: Riding the Epoch
Myshu: Ringing Leene's Bell
L_Culleany: Laying the Master Sword to Rest
Mozz: shooting the silver arrows
L_Culleany: Catching the Fairy
DK: Feeding the Red Yoshi
L_Culleany: Launching the Shell
AgentTon: Floating the Peach.
DK: Stomping Bowser
Alek: Eating the Shyguy
L_Culleany: Pressing the Witness
L_Culleany: Presenting the Evidence
Myshu: Phoenix Drive
Mozz: Closing The Case, Cully.
L_Culleany: Examining the Scene
AgentTon: Bomping the Bullet Bill.
DK: Cracking the Psyche-Lock
L_Culleany: Channeling the Mentor
DK: Meeting Pearly
AgentTon: Visiting the Mushroom Kingdom.
DK: Entering the Warp Zone
Mozz: Using Cerebro
Mozz: Entering the Danger Room
Alek: Playing the Magic Flute
DK: But Doctor, I fucked Pagliacci
Stellaluna: Blowing the Ocarina of Time
L_Culleany: Feeding Boco a couple of Zeio Nuts
Myshu: Using the G-Diffuser
AgentTon: Kuribo's Blew
L_Culleany: Riding the Hiryuu
AgentTon: Dry Boned.
Mozz: smashing the pumpkins
DK: Waiting for the Blue Shell
L_Culleany: Squatting Down the Pipe
DK: Entering the Toad House
L_Culleany: Refusing To Let The Future Change
DK: GORDON FREEMAN
DK: Removing the Limiter
AgentTon: Boo Diddler.
L_Culleany: Shooting the Rabid Dog
AgentTon: Shooting the Duck Hunt Dog.
DK: That'll Do, Pig
7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- no-man's chat
* Cadet56 has joined
* Cadet56 has left
DK: the army makes a man brave
DK: but not THAT brave
--- how viruses think
Sancdar: alirght guys time to do more virus cleaning
Sancdar: boo for trojan dlls that link to every fucking process on my system
Sancdar: "notepad.exe needs to access the internet to download more viruses, is this okay?"
maggiekarp: "are you sure?"
maggiekarp: "n- wait a minute"
maggiekarp: "hahhaha fuck you human"
--- mystical chamberpot
Rydia: i'm so glad obama gave the winston churchill bust back to the british
Rydia: img.waffleimages.com/6108e2c659436fa3272250f48dad34f1e5b81c2f/Winston%20Churchill.jpg just look at the fucking thing
Rydia: how hideous
Rydia: apparently churchill was that ceo guy from x-men 1 when he got mutated
Sancdar: he looks like a shit genie
Sancdar: also the dude was a senator
Angahith: shit genie
Sancdar: rub the mystical chamberpot
Sancdar: and if you are lucky a shit genie will appear
Sancdar: "I GRANT YOU WISHES, THEY NUMBER TWO"
--- Stone Cold Dungeons and Dragons
Mozz: anyway yeah, what little i've read of dnd/classic d20 seems too rule and tables heavy and puts me off.
Donraj: I didn't think it was so bad before I tried WoD
Donraj: But then the only thing I had to compare it to was, uh
Donraj: 2nd edition D&D
Mozz: the WoD system is at the right level of dice rolling geekery but not getting in the way of storytelling geekery.
DK: Well, the thing with WoD is it is very easy to remember
DK: you add two numbers together, roll that many dice, count the result
DK: of course the 3:16 system is even more minimal
Rydia: is that where you call in steve austin to perform a body slam
--- Final Fantasy Dissidia
DK: Man I can't get behind 589, I'm sorry. It's not even a gay thing, it's a crossover thing. I couldn't enjoy 589 if it were Faris, Selphie, and Garnet placed in some Rube Goldbergian fuck configuration that would get off a damn Venusian.
Alek: Sephiroth only lasts a minute and a half with Ultimecia. But I mean that's with Time Kompression
Alek: So like three minutes
L_Cully: "I see you are a multilayered character," Kefka remarks as Onion Knight bleeds to death at his feet
L_Cully: "LMAO" he dances
maggiekarp: tch fran ain't furry
maggiekarp: she is like boning a playboy bunny on a bear skin rug at worst
themis56: I've been playing some FFX blitzball
themis56: and I sometimes get into it
themis56: I yell at my players
themis56: NO KEEPA YOU FATTY CATCH THAT DAMN BALL
themis56: I'm like their coach
Mozz: sadly themis, in x2 you are their coach
Mozz: and you coach a team of losers
themis56: I prefer my way
themis56: LETTY YOU STUPID STUPID BEARDO CATCH THAT THING GOD ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
themis56: I SHOULD STAB YOU IN THE EYES RIGHT NOW SO HELP ME GOD
Mozz: the coaching strategy in X1 is just like that episode of Fresh Prince
Mozz: where will joins the basketball team
Mozz: "what's our imbound play coach?"
Mozz: "...Pass it to Will."
DK: I'm sorry, every bit of humor re: jecht is forever downhill from that hilarious conversation I had about him with Black years ago
DK: Where we postulated that the final battle of FFX should've been a blitzball duel
DK: Jecht vs. your team, with moves like Jecht Shot MK. VI which involves ripping Tidus's head off and kicking it into the goal for a point
--- monster washers
Rydia: okay so i just saw this commerical
Rydia: with a monster truck going up a ramp and driving on top of two rows of washing machines
Rydia: and at the bottom it says * do not try this at home
Rydia: whose home is that
Rydia: i guess they have to be cautious
Rydia: but how are you going to get two long rows of washing machines and a monster truck
Rydia: maybe they're warning against driving a truck through a laundromat
7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- Aladdin at the opera
maggiekarp: street rat
maggiekarp: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF THAT WAS STUCK IN MY HEAD ALL DAY SERIS
maggiekarp: YOU DID THIS TO ME
Seris: i dont
maggiekarp: buy that
Seris: if only theyd look closer
Seris: would they see a poor boy
maggiekarp: no siree
Seris: NO SIR-EE
Seris: theyd find out
maggiekarp: there's so much more
* maggiekarp strangle duet
Seris: my theory is proven
Seris: the reprise is the only song that 1) everybody knows and 2) will sing along to when prompted
Mozz: never heard of it.
Seris: mozz i am going to cum in your hair
maggiekarp: it's only like three lines seris
maggiekarp: celes could memorize that shit
Seris: yeah but that bitch would hella ham that shit up
maggiekarp: "warb warb BLAR BARL bler warb BARB WARB"
maggiekarp: (everyone in ff6 speaks in warbles)
maggiekarp: (it's like mario sunshine but arousing)
Seris: she let all that opera star crap get to her head so whenever she sings now shes just a big show off and everybody rolls their eyes at her when she opens her mouth
Seris: "RiiiIIIFF Raaaffff"
Seris: "stlllleeeet raaaaaaat"
Seris: locke is all "EDGAR SABIN get over here and shove your dicks in my ear and drown this shit OUT"
Seris: they oblige, happily
maggiekarp: they like the song that was their favorite movie growing up
Seris: they high-five over locks head
--- sea turtle eggs
DK: God like
DK: it's only ironically but I love Kesha
DK: she's litereally like Lady Gaga's retarded sister who's been into some lead based paints
DK: just eating them all day
DK: just doing deranged shit that makes zero sense
maggiekarp: DK rewrite the Parent Trap to star Kesha and Lady Gaga
DK: who are the parents
maggiekarp: Madonna and Cee-Lo Green
* DK writin'
- a few minutes later -
DK: "Gaga! You GET OUTTA THAT ROOM, it's time for ya show!" Daddy Cee-Lo ranted, flailing his tiny rexarms as if he were trying to pedal an invisible bicycle that you pedaled with your hands. He was wearing his sunglasses like always cause he was high as all fuck even though it was seven am on a Sunday. As he waited for his daughter, he perambulated about the hallway, colliding with doorframes and rebounding, an erratic black meteorite.
DK: The Haus of Gaga (feat. Cee-Lo) was a Narnian warren of secret passages and eldritch chambers, throbbing with strange light, full of body glitter and sex toys shaped like they were made for pleasuring aliens. Cee-Lo had seen many things within its walls, things man was not meant to see, things like loose collections of limbs slapped together, sprayed with liquid latex, and set to dancing to barely concealed Ace of Base Samples.
DK: Thus, when the door opened, he never expected to be surprised. Gaga - Kesha - stood there, wearing lycra bicycle shorts and a pink tank top that read AQUAMAN IS MY PUSSY INSPECTOR.
DK: She wore an LA Clippers cap glued to a NY Yankees cap glued to a Harlem Globetrotters cap glued to a Red Wings cap, bills sticking out from her head in every cardinal direction like the world's most retarded Zelda monster. Fifteen of those metal slap bracelets that were a big deal at school for like three weeks when you were in sixth grade glimmered on each of her arms and she had curled a neon green pool noodle about her midriff.
DK: The crotch of the bicycle shorts had been cut out, but three novelty pushpins of Mount Rushmore driven into the pool noodle held a dishtowel emblazoned with Spongebob Squarepants as a veil over her mons, a crotch hijab both merciful and utterly moronic.
DK: On one leg, she wore an imitation Wolverine boot (blue and black classic X-Men version), on the other a pair of neon green fishnets that a bag lady at Grand Central station had used as a desperate and utterly ineffective maxi pad, Rorschach-blotted with uterine effluvia.
DK: Crackerjack-box rings and coke can pull tabs glimmered on every finger. A nose stud revealed Dizzy, the mascot of the Atlanta Olympics. A combination of school paste and roadie semen cemented painted cheerios on her face in patterns that recalled the angry, inchoate, and incoherent handwriting of a calligraphist-cum-stroke victm.
DK: Pink Hello Kitty hipster glasses. A scarf made out of a Bugles bag. Blue lip gloss. And body glitter, so much body glitter. It hung in the air, a mobile cloud of funk. It stung Daddy Cee-Lo's eyes, even behind their protective glasses.
DK: "How do oi look, Daddyums?" Kesha said, desperately trying to fake a Mother Monster accent but not quite freeing herself of her nasal twang.
DK: "Fuck you."
DK: ---THE END---
* Myshu spittake
Myshu: How is that poor child able to walk
Myshu: She just has to waddle around, glitter and scraps of cloth falling in her wake like Okami flowers
DK: Well in this version of the Parent Trap she's just well, as she is
DK: it's just totally inexplicable but there it is
DK: why were she and Gaga, as grown women, even at Summer Camp
DK: Meanwhile Gaga is choking down one of Madonna's dinners which is just an ashtray full of cigarette butts and those big, cheap, puffy, virulently orange Cheeze Doodles
DK: "This is your favorite, Kesha, I don't understand!"
DK: "I guess at least you'll have enough room for dessert!" It's store-bought banana pudding served in a glitter-filled woman's pump.
DK: Gaga eats it. The glitter is cutting her gums.
DK: Cutting deep.
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