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7 years ago (10/04/04)

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Zach

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32 year-old male from Austin, TX
If someone were going to criticize me in a flattering and mildly creative way they would compare me to Godfather III: An ambitious failure.

Women donâ€™t like me. Iâ€™m an unemployed artist.
Click here to see how overwhelmingly underwhelmingly untalented I am.

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Zach

Big Dumb Facebook
I've never really liked Facebook. I never really liked Myspace either but before it started to look like Times Square I found its interface to be more intuitive than Facebooks. Facebook sort of reminds me of an interface within a video game. Be it the card games in Final Fantasy or the email system in Mass Effect. As soon as I get the feeling "am I doing this right?" in the game I sort of just give up on that particular aspect of it. It turns out I didn't need to play virtual Pokemon in FF and I didn't need to read space junk mail in ME2. Then why do I need to play Facebook in this dumbass Real Life game I appear to be so shitty at? Why was I on Friendster? Why was I on Myspace?

... Oh, right! Women. Doy.

The only reason I started using the blog feature on Myspace was a way of proving to people (women) I was funny without them having to actually see how ugly and miserable I am. I could virtually sneak past their defenses. Oh, sure, I hear you- "What a creep." ... well... eat me. If you think you can admit you haven't used the internet and social networks for boundary crossing, privacy invasion and snooping in general then you're nothing but a damn dirty liar. A smelly liar with a big smelly butt.

Now that that's out of the way I have a specific complaint about Facebook. The "hey, here's someone you'd like to be friends with" feature is fairly useful. At least it was a few years ago when it first popped up. Now it's just a list of garbage people I don't know or don't recognize from high school. (I get that I'm 30 and it's been over a decade since I've seen a lot of those people but I feel like even with my pushed back hairline and beard I still look like the same loser. What happened to some of those people? Do our heads change shape with age or something?) It'd be nice if I could put some filters on it. Lecherous, single guy, creepy internet filters. I don't want to see girls with hyphenated last names or girls with profile pictures of them holding a baby.

If I'm not already facebook friends with a gal who's married chances are I'm never going to be friends with her. And look... I've dated single moms before, it ranged from mildly weird to super weird. I immediately think any single mom willing to date me is inherently irresponsible and that kind of bums me out because after all she is someones mom. Not to mention being dumped by mom then later having to "break up" with her kid daughter is one of the shittiest things I've ever had to go through. I'd like to avoid it.

So, if I'm going to be clicking around Facebook lecherously looking at women within my extended social
circle it'd be nice if I could filter out the ones I have no business looking at. ... oh guh. As previously mentioned I am 30. Don't people assume anyone three decades deep with who's active on any social network is an old creep anyway? Do I have no business looking at anyone on Facebook?

What are the rules on this thing? When are we too old for the internet?

-fart sound

2 years ago | Comments (0)

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