Skyler FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Gamer Assistants

22 years old
Male
from Orlando, Fl

  • Activity

    • I wonder why I always have to make things seem worse than it is.

      7 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      It's something that drives me nuts about myself. Something small happens and immediately I assume the worst. I'm sitting here internalizing things probably destroying an amazing friendship just because I think something is wrong when I have no proof that's the case.


      I'm so fucked in the head. Every small thing has huge meaning and I look into things until I see what I want to see. Good or bad. I'm a self fulfilling prophecy. The problem is I know I'm doing it, I know it's bad I'm doing it. I can't stop myself from doing it.


      I'm sitting here convinced that I've fucked up everything and planning on how to fix it when this friend is busy doing her own thing thinking everything is fine and dandy and nothing is wrong. Like what the hell am I doing. Sometimes I wish I could tell my brain to fuck off. 


      Good news is the semester is almost over so maybe then I can reach out and set the record straight.. just need to find the right words to say. I like what I've written. But if anything I should go back through and take some of the emotion out of it.. or maybe I shouldn't. Idk any more. 


      I don't know what happened to the confident me. 

    • What I'm up to... talking to myself in third person because I'm legit going crazy.

      7 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      Hey Skyler what do you think you should do on this wonderful Sunday after being awake for the full 24 hour live stream? Do you think you should go to sleep in order to stay sane and keep a level head?


      NAAAAAA. Don't want to want to mess up the sleep schedule too much, plus Walking Dead is tonight and I can't miss that.. which means I'll be up until past midnight.. again.


      So what brilliant thing are you going to do today while waiting for sleep time to come while also keeping me busy enough so I don't go insane.. more insane.


      I got it! Let's work on some.... drum roll plays in distance.. (I'm not crazy I swear, I hear it!)


      BAD AD ROUGH EDITS!


      Cue fancy music and rapid camera switches to celebrate.


      On my computer right now I have an audio file of me saying lines to get timing, I'm about to go into GTA V now and record some scenes, than I'll be putting together a very rough edit so I can send it to a friend to get some notes on. 


      Downside being.. This rough edit is more of a proof of concept edit in that all of what I'll be doing today will in no way speed things up down the road..


      But hey at least it's a start right? right? SAY RIGHT!.. I'm sorry, lack of sleep has made me irritable. Also just noticed I stopped talking in third person at some point. Is anything I'm saying even making sense? I've been up for like 36 hours now so if you could cut me some slack that would be great! Or don't, that works too I guess.


      Oh boy I hear my boss (me) cracking the whip on me (the boss) to get to work. How dare I waste more time and risk falling asleep on my keyboard.. again.


      Must stay awake! Channel that Day 5 mojo!


      I'm so going to fall asleep. RIP me.


      I'm going to stop rambling now.


      Unless you like when I ramble. Because in that case I'm a master at writing a whole lot of words that mean absolutely nothing. The only skill I learned in High School. YAAY PUBLIC EDUCATION! 


      I'll show off my terrible rambling skills later though. Or I won't. Whose to say really. I mean like sometimes things just happen and ... ok I'm done.


      I swear. maybe. bye.


      zzzzzzzzzzz sleeping

    • Bad Ad update

      7 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      I swear. Anytime I ever make a schedule to do things something always comes up and destroys it. The past couple weeks of class have just been brutal on the homework side. Looking ahead to this week it appears it will be a bit lighter finally... at least until final prep starts.

      Sooooooo this week I am planning, Cthulhu willing, to film test shots of all our scenes as a final pass before we film to match our voices. Can't wait for some mystery assignment to pop up and ruin everything again.

    • The Internet is the worst place to go to look up solutions to relationship/friendship problems

      8 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      Honestly. Like it's the biggest mistake I've made in this whole process of what's been going on with me. Next thing I know I start assuming things which makes me act one way despite having no evidence, besides what some dude on the internet said, to support some crazy thought process this girl might be having.


      I'm the type of person that naturally overthinks and over analyzes stuff and because I'm taking advice and from someone that says he knows what he's talking about it sends me into a tail spin. I think I'm worse off now than I was before I went to the internet for help. How sad. I think I honestly might have to go talk to a counselor to deal with this shit. What have I done to myself. 


      This semester can't get over soon enough so I can see if she truly was not talking to me because she is overloaded with all her school and extra-circular activities.


      I really hope I can get back and stay in my happy place and continue to live a moderately exciting life so that when we start talking again I have replenished my story archive.

    • I started a blog with the purpose to never be seen

      8 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      If you follow me you know that this semester hasn't really been the best for me in my personal life. I've had to battle a lot of demons from my past that seem to be harmful to a single friendship in particular. Just like in the song "Can You Feel my heart" by Bring Me The Horizon - "I can't drown my demons because they know how to swim" I can relate. I've tried running and it only made things worse.


      I think I'm just starting to get to a little bit of a better place where I understand that nothing is wrong with the friendship between this girl and I and that it really is just insecurities from the past haunting me and making me think things are bad.


      I remembered recently that writing helps to calm me down and I got tired of wasting paper by writing pages upon pages of thoughts every time my head started to spin, which was essentially all the time. So in order to save the tree's I started a blog.


      But unlike the reason most people start a blog it's a blog that isn't meant to be seen or shared. Something 100% anonymous. You might think a blog is a weird choice for something like that, and maybe it is. But there is just something that seems more relieving that I'm shouting my problems out into the world with no filter or holding back anything and the natural noise of the internet talks over me, yet I still get the same satisfaction as if I'm talking to someone. It seems strange but it seems to be working and I would almost recommend other people would try it.


      As for Bad Ad Updates

      Probably what many people would care more about. Not that I blame you. Things are moving along. As expected school is holding back a lot of progress. Midterms have kept us busy the past 2 weeks. I have started a rough draft of a 2nd episode so we will see how it goes. I would still like to put episode 1 out before we get set on episode 2 just so we can get some feed back on it. #soon.


      To maybe hold you over until then we recording a Podcast called The Deadcast where we talk about The Walking Dead season 7 and what we think will happen over the season. If your worried about spoilers from the comics (which almost never come true in the show anyway) I would avoid this podcast, but if you don't care I think we bring some good insight. Be on the look out for that on the Ctrl_Screen channel tomorrow afternoonish.

    • Bad Ad episode 1 script is done!

      9 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      Yesterday we finished writing it! I think its some of the funniest stuff we've written. With that also comes the fear of will other people think it will be funny as well. I guess that's a fear many creators face starting out. For whatever reason with our gaming channel it wasn't something I was ever really that worried about.


      With this being the first scripted thing I've produced I'm very nervous about if other people will think it's as funny as we do. Surely by pure odds at least a couple of people share our same sense of humor.. I hope.


      I'm hoping to record lines this weekend at least and maybe start shooting some scenes this weekend as well. I don't want to give a release date for the episode, because lets be honest, I'm pretty shit at keeping those when it comes to scripted productions. How long ago did I tease the machinima again? I'm pulling an RT Day 5 move with that one.


      My current plan with the "Bad Ad" series is we are going to release the one we just finished writing as soon as it's ready to come out as sort of a test pilot to see what people think. Take some critiques or constructive criticism and apply it to future episodes.


      My goal is to make this a monthly thing. After the pilot we'll need some time to plan out and create the future episodes and really see how fast we can make these videos and go from there for how long a "season" will be, or how often they come out.


      Very excited to see where this goes. I love writing things, it does a great job distracting me from life as a college student and helps me release some creative energy that sometimes gets locked away.


      Like the machinima production logs I'll try to keep everyone up to date on the production and how it's going and where we are at.


      Shameless plug time: If you want to pre-subscribe to the channel these videos will be going on you can go to: Ctrl Screen YouTube page. It's pretty bland right now, got some podcasts up, hopefully it will be more active soon.


      If you want to catch our Gaming videos you can go to The Gamer Assistants Channel. New videos every Friday. Right now we are playing through Resident Evil 4.


      Talk to everyone soon =D  benson-32.png


    • GTA V Director mode

      9 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      Wow. It's something that is so great, but at the same time so limiting. I guess it's the challenge when it comes to machinimating things, it just sucks how limiting it can be in some basic aspects.


      For example: In the Bad Ad episode that we have already pretty much written there is a scene where all we need is the character to drive on to scene and look at the camera through his window. Everything is set up, car drives to mark, but we can't make the character turn his head to look out the window without a gun in his hand or just flipping off the camera.


      To try to fix this I go into first person to manipulate the head to look out the window to look at the "camera". But if you go into first person you can't manipulate camera placement in the editor... What the hell, why that limitation. Now we have to probably rewrite this scene, which sucks because it was a very visual gag that had us laughing our asses off.


      But at the same time it's great because when it allows us to steady cam follow someone for another very visual gag later on.


      Just small weird production problems but the good news is I'm feeling more confident that this show will actually be possible and happy that we've been able to no get to ambitious with it and still make something great. I'm really excited to see the finished product. Still a long way away, I was just doing some test shots to see if we were writing things that were possible to show.


      I'd say the script for the 1st episode is like 90% done and I'm both super excited and super nervous. I hope people think it's as funny as we do.

    • I freely admit I don't understand women at all

      9 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      Yes, this relates to the girl I was talking about 2 months ago. If you didn't read that journal a quick Tldr is that I caught feelings for this girl that I met through a mutual friend after talking with her for a couple of months. I asked her out and she gave me a rain check because she wanted to meet in person first, and wasn't sure if she was ready for a somewhat long distance thing.Then a guy that lived closer to her asked her out and she said yes to him.

      I think that summarizes pretty much the whole journal there.


      Anyway fast forward to today, that guy has since broken up with her after only 2 weeks and he did it through text while she was on vacation. I was talking to her at the time and saw her mood change. She was heart broken, and I could feel it. Much of the rest of her vacation was me talking to her and supporting her and being her vent. She told me that she felt bad venting to me about all of this because of my feelings for her, but that I was one of the people she felt closest to and that now I'm the only guy she knows that meets what her friends think are too high of standards.


      Wow what a compliment I thought. I refrained from making a move on her, I just wanted her to be happy again. I wanted us to go back to having the long random discussions that we would have late at night about whatever the hell we wanted. 


      After she got back from her vacation she got more and more distant. Knowing what I know now I think this is where things started going down hill for me. As she started to pull away I panicked and started to try to pull her closer. My thought process being that she needs someone right now and she needs to know that I'm here for her. All this did was push her further and further away which made me try to pull more and more. I was so blind to me thinking I was doing the right thing I missed the signal she was probably trying to give off.


      Eventually it got to the point where she told me she needed some space to heal herself and work on things and that she would message me back when she was ready. 2 agonizing weeks it was for me and not a word was said. Every day was a challenge, but she told me she needed this and I'll be damn if I didn't give her what she said she needed. 


      After the 2 weeks she sent me this long message updating me on everything that had gone on in the past two weeks, she hoped I was doing well and she asked for updates on me. Everything was good again. That is until she mentioned that she was really stressed out with school and clubs and that she was always busy. Once again the primal instinct in me told me to help and to show my unwavering support. Once again she started getting more and more distant and we were talking less and less, which I took as her being really busy, which then made me send her funny motivational messages and such.


      Until again she spoke up. This time thankfully telling me what was bothering her. I say thankfully because now I know what not to do.. sort of.


      [paraphrasing]

      She said that she knows I am just trying to be nice, but it is just too much for her right now. That I wasn't doing anything wrong and that to the right person what I was doing would be endearing, but what she needs is solitude, and that all we need to do is restructure our friendship.

      This is were my confusion comes into play. I understand being too much. If you made it this far you remember me saying that I kept pulling her closer as she pushed away. I see now that being a mistake. I had good intentions, but she doesn't need me to heal herself.


      What I don't understand is how we go about restructuring our friendship. Like I'm super glad despite everything she still wants me around. I just don't know how to go about doing this, especially when she is busy and can or will hardly talk to me.


      I also don't understand how I go from someone she feels the closest too and can trust, to now we hardly ever talk in just about 2 or 3 week period. Like a year of building and maintaining a deep connection with someone can really go away just like that? Did this guy breaking her heart really afflict that much damage that everyone suffered? I asked if there was anything I needed to apologize for and she said no, that nothing bad has happened.


      The other thing I'm confused on is expanding off of what I said about her saying I haven't done anything wrong. In the message she expands by saying that what is wrong is her interpretation of my actions. What does that even mean. I have no clue. If she knows I have good intentions, what could she possibly be interpreting my actions as that would be pushing her away?


      The last thing that has my head spinning is her saying that for right now she needs solitude. Okay, are we talking like "Into the Wild" solitude or is it like talk every couple of days type solitude. Because I rather avoid talking every 2 weeks in a bullet list about what happened since we last spoke.


      I'm sure some of you, if you made it this far, are thinking it's time for me to move on. Typically you would probably be right. I just refuse to believe that this version of her is permanent. A year of getting to know her, I want to believe that the person I connected so well with is still her personality, and that right now is just a phase she is going through and that soon she will be back to her normal self again. Maybe her being so busy and having so much going on in her life all at once is the cause for this. I don't know.


      I always believed that if you want something it's worth fighting for. She is someone worth fighting for. Even if fighting for her means that I need to fight time and myself. I can't just walk away now. What does that say about me. I don't want to be the guy that stuck around for the good times but as soon as shit hit the fan I dropped out. She's worth more than that. I know it. I feel it.


      I just hope she comes back soon. I really miss her.


      Wow that was really long, but I feel better having writing it. Like I also said before, writing for me is very cathartic. If you made it this far thank you for reading. If you have any advice I'd love to hear it. I love getting second opinions, especially a third person perspective. It helps me get out of my own head. I'd also like to hear from some ladies on what I need to do to help my situation some. Right now I'm giving her more space, I just don't want her to think I'm just ignoring her or anything. I don't know, I am literally second guessing everything I want to say to her. 

    • NEW project under way

      9 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      I was talking with the person whom with I am writing our machinma series with and we came to the conclusion that while this is something we still want to work on and make, that maybe we set our ambitions way to high right out of the gate and we don't have the resources to make the series the best that it could be.


      In other words our machinima is becoming like Rooster Teeth's Day 5, in the sense that it's going to continue to be the next project that comes out until we finally get the resources to make it. It's a series that I'm still very excited for and I love the world and characters we made.


      But Skyler, we wanted to see what you've spent the last 3 years on and off working on! Have no fear some of those characters may make an appearance in what we are working on next.


      Before I explain what I mean let me describe what our new project is in a way to temper expectations.


      The project we are working on now is called, at least for now, Bad Ad. What this show will be is essentially us making really sarcastically bad advertisements for a mixture of made up things, or real world things you might see an advertisement for. For example a car commercial, you see those every day. In Bad Ad we'll make the car commercial something just way over the top and sort of make fun of how all car ads seem to be the same. Another example may or may not be an advertisement for an Assassin. How would something like that look on T.V? I look forward to figuring that out. I think what we have so far is going to be great.


      Now let me go back to what I meant when I said you might not have to wait long for some of the characters we wrote for our machinima to show up. We spent a long time building some characters that we absolutely love. One character in particular started as a joke and sort of became his own thing after awhile. So one of our many Bad ads we have written down is a commercial for his company. I can't wait to make that one. I know you'll love the character as much as we do.


      With this new project we also are not going to be limiting ourselves to the world of GTA 5, so it really opens up a bunch of different possibilities.


      While we have a good list going for at least a season of our ads (still figuring out release format) feel free to send any ideas you might have. We're once again still pretty far away from putting these things out since classes just started and now we are working on our major. But hopefully the smaller scope of what we are going for will allow these show to premiere sooner than later.

    • I forgot how cathartic writing was

      11 months ago

      Skyler Gamer Assistants

      So after the wash of a day yesterday I woke up today determined to make it the best day possible.


      I unfortunately had a hard time sleeping, and when I woke up a lot of those evil emotions where still there. But that's when I remembered something.

      I've always been complimented on my ability to write and convey emotions through words. It's always been a way I got through depressing times. In middle school and High School I wrote songs about the girls who I thought broke my heart. (I know just an every day Taylor Swift)


      But after high school I never really allowed my self to open up to anyone else, therefore I never needed to write anything and forgot about how much better it made me feel.


      well after waking up today still feeling like shit, I put aside the mountain of homework I have to do today, knowing I need to clear my head to even think about focusing on it. A thought came into my head about writing. The last thing I wrote was a letter to my dog after he passed away. That letter gave me closure and allowed me to accept what was going on.


      In this case no one died, but in a way its a potential relationship dying I guess. So why wouldn't the same affects apply? So I made coffee and sat at my desk and just started typing. What I thought was going to be a quick paragraph journal type thing quickly turned into an essay of sorts.


      By the time I was finished it was 3 pages long and over 2000 words. I guess I had a lot I needed to say lol. But the flip side is for the time being I feel better. I can still feel the bad shit hanging on in the back of my head ready to pounce. But for the time being my mind is free. So lets rush through this homework before it comes back =D


      Also I want to thank everyone who reached out to me yesterday. It means a lot and I just want to say thank you. We really are a family here.

  • About Me

    Hey I'm Skyler and have been a long time RT/AH fan.

    Feel free to send me friend request or messages as I am looking forward to meeting new people!

    Founder of outdated Call of Duty Game Battles clan: Missed now Your Pissed (MnYp)
    Founder of The Gamer Assistants: www.youtube.com/user/TheGamerAssistants

    Co-Founder of Ctrl_Screen: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKjhxUnjx16LiFfC-...

    Always looking for possible collaborations so send me a PM if you would like to work on a project together!

    What I'm currently working on: script for a GTA 5 Machinima, Bad Ad

    GTA 5 Machinima progress: In production hell..

    Bad Ad: Soon

  • Comments (16)

    • Remotes FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      1 year ago

      Obviously, I do not know you. I was just browsing forums and saw your name. It is the same as mine. So there you are.

    • ArnettV FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Gif Addict

      2 years ago

      Heyo,

      I saw your a fellow Floridian as well. We have a community group for Florida fans and, while previously on a brief hiatus, are back in action!

      You can check out the page here: http://roosterteeth.com/groups/profile.php?id=13839

      There will be updates every week, contests, prizes, and eventually a meet up for any Floridians willing to come.

      We look forward to seeing you in the group!

      • Skyler FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Gamer Assistants

        2 years ago

        Sounds like fun!

    • jakarx12 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 years ago

      Did you still want to do that weekly strike tonight?

    • Caszie FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Fishy Queen

      2 years ago

      Thanks for the friend request!!! smiley0.gifsmiley11.gif

      • Skyler FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Gamer Assistants

        2 years ago

        oh, np. Thank you for accepting it

    • JoshCox1

      2 years ago

      Hey, do you have skype? sorry if i asked before.

      • JoshCox1

        2 years ago

        ok, thanks

      • Skyler FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Gamer Assistants

        2 years ago

        I do, but I only use it every once in awhile.

    • JoshCox1

      3 years ago

      Hey, how are you? What games do you play?

      • JoshCox1

        3 years ago

        ah, ok it is fun but its also hard if playing solo, if you are wanting to play someday.

      • Skyler FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Gamer Assistants

        3 years ago

        I actually never really played rainbow six.

      • JoshCox1

        3 years ago

        same, just been playing Mario Kart 8 and on my computer, and i try and play all kinds of games, i used to only play FPS as well like Halo, Killzone and Rainbow Six. Lockdown was my favorite and needs to be remade in HD :) Whats your favorite Rainbow Six?

      • Skyler FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Gamer Assistants

        3 years ago

        doing pretty good I guess. How about you? In the past I've played mostly FPS (Call of Duty and Count strike) but have slowly been moving into the rpg open world genre.

    • johnnyboy17

      3 years ago

      Hey Skyler thanks for accepting my friend request!

      • Skyler FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Gamer Assistants

        3 years ago

        Hey, no problem. smiley0.gif

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