Yes, this relates to the girl I was talking about 2 months ago. If you didn't read that journal a quick Tldr is that I caught feelings for this girl that I met through a mutual friend after talking with her for a couple of months. I asked her out and she gave me a rain check because she wanted to meet in person first, and wasn't sure if she was ready for a somewhat long distance thing.Then a guy that lived closer to her asked her out and she said yes to him.
I think that summarizes pretty much the whole journal there.
Anyway fast forward to today, that guy has since broken up with her after only 2 weeks and he did it through text while she was on vacation. I was talking to her at the time and saw her mood change. She was heart broken, and I could feel it. Much of the rest of her vacation was me talking to her and supporting her and being her vent. She told me that she felt bad venting to me about all of this because of my feelings for her, but that I was one of the people she felt closest to and that now I'm the only guy she knows that meets what her friends think are too high of standards.
Wow what a compliment I thought. I refrained from making a move on her, I just wanted her to be happy again. I wanted us to go back to having the long random discussions that we would have late at night about whatever the hell we wanted.
After she got back from her vacation she got more and more distant. Knowing what I know now I think this is where things started going down hill for me. As she started to pull away I panicked and started to try to pull her closer. My thought process being that she needs someone right now and she needs to know that I'm here for her. All this did was push her further and further away which made me try to pull more and more. I was so blind to me thinking I was doing the right thing I missed the signal she was probably trying to give off.
Eventually it got to the point where she told me she needed some space to heal herself and work on things and that she would message me back when she was ready. 2 agonizing weeks it was for me and not a word was said. Every day was a challenge, but she told me she needed this and I'll be damn if I didn't give her what she said she needed.
After the 2 weeks she sent me this long message updating me on everything that had gone on in the past two weeks, she hoped I was doing well and she asked for updates on me. Everything was good again. That is until she mentioned that she was really stressed out with school and clubs and that she was always busy. Once again the primal instinct in me told me to help and to show my unwavering support. Once again she started getting more and more distant and we were talking less and less, which I took as her being really busy, which then made me send her funny motivational messages and such.
Until again she spoke up. This time thankfully telling me what was bothering her. I say thankfully because now I know what not to do.. sort of.
She said that she knows I am just trying to be nice, but it is just too much for her right now. That I wasn't doing anything wrong and that to the right person what I was doing would be endearing, but what she needs is solitude, and that all we need to do is restructure our friendship.
This is were my confusion comes into play. I understand being too much. If you made it this far you remember me saying that I kept pulling her closer as she pushed away. I see now that being a mistake. I had good intentions, but she doesn't need me to heal herself.
What I don't understand is how we go about restructuring our friendship. Like I'm super glad despite everything she still wants me around. I just don't know how to go about doing this, especially when she is busy and can or will hardly talk to me.
I also don't understand how I go from someone she feels the closest too and can trust, to now we hardly ever talk in just about 2 or 3 week period. Like a year of building and maintaining a deep connection with someone can really go away just like that? Did this guy breaking her heart really afflict that much damage that everyone suffered? I asked if there was anything I needed to apologize for and she said no, that nothing bad has happened.
The other thing I'm confused on is expanding off of what I said about her saying I haven't done anything wrong. In the message she expands by saying that what is wrong is her interpretation of my actions. What does that even mean. I have no clue. If she knows I have good intentions, what could she possibly be interpreting my actions as that would be pushing her away?
The last thing that has my head spinning is her saying that for right now she needs solitude. Okay, are we talking like "Into the Wild" solitude or is it like talk every couple of days type solitude. Because I rather avoid talking every 2 weeks in a bullet list about what happened since we last spoke.
I'm sure some of you, if you made it this far, are thinking it's time for me to move on. Typically you would probably be right. I just refuse to believe that this version of her is permanent. A year of getting to know her, I want to believe that the person I connected so well with is still her personality, and that right now is just a phase she is going through and that soon she will be back to her normal self again. Maybe her being so busy and having so much going on in her life all at once is the cause for this. I don't know.
I always believed that if you want something it's worth fighting for. She is someone worth fighting for. Even if fighting for her means that I need to fight time and myself. I can't just walk away now. What does that say about me. I don't want to be the guy that stuck around for the good times but as soon as shit hit the fan I dropped out. She's worth more than that. I know it. I feel it.
I just hope she comes back soon. I really miss her.
Wow that was really long, but I feel better having writing it. Like I also said before, writing for me is very cathartic. If you made it this far thank you for reading. If you have any advice I'd love to hear it. I love getting second opinions, especially a third person perspective. It helps me get out of my own head. I'd also like to hear from some ladies on what I need to do to help my situation some. Right now I'm giving her more space, I just don't want her to think I'm just ignoring her or anything. I don't know, I am literally second guessing everything I want to say to her.