6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
It's time to wrap up this week of work-related quotes. I hope everyone enjoyed it!
Myshu: So today's pawn shop tale:
Myshu: Two firetrucks came to the store today
Myshu: One of the air conditioners tripped a breaker so hard it exploded, filling the closet with smoke and setting off the alarm
Myshu: We stood in the dark while the neighboring FD snooped around, waiting for the FD from the CORRECT district to arrive
Myshu: We can't just tell them "no fire guys, turn around"
Myshu: So one of the fireguys is standing in the doorway when his radio goes off, and we hear the other fire department reporting:
Myshu: "We can't find this (insert shop name), but we see an EZ Pawn across the street. We'll check there first."
Myshu: me: "..."
Myshu: "So they're going to our rival pawn shop to see if they're okay from our alarm going off, huh"
Myshu: So I guess the moral is our store is old and explody, our alarm system calls the wrong city and our local fire department is made of tards
--- i party all the time
Seris: cz and i apparently work at iparty
CZ: I work at Party Depot, bitch.
Seris: it is retail so you are pretty much yes the stocking bitch
DK: You can be the Baron/Baroness of Brief Backroom Blowjobs I guess
CZ: OKAY. Long list of what I can do.
CZ: Price. Stock shelves. Clean. Check in orders. Help customers. SHIT LOADS OF BALLOONS.
CZ: During Halloween: Keep everything clean. Make sure no one goes into the changing room with more than one costume. STAND AROUND FOR EIGHT HOURS while people ask, "do you have this one specific dorothy costume not that one but this one particular one"
DK: "You mean the one with the cutout crotch?"
CZ: It's fun when people are trying to make shit because then I get to be creative.
Seris: ahaha oh man did i tell you guys about the guy who came in and shat on our bathroom floor
Seris: ok on that same day there was this old lady who came in looking for a 50s themed costume
Seris: she needed it in an xl which i guess we dont have because we do not adheir to fatasses
Seris: ys thank you for correcting my idocy
Myshu: idiocy? (okay I'll stop)
DK: Myshu if you keep this up there will be NO MYSHUTREAT
DK: I like cater there because it also suggests food which fits with fatties
Seris: ANYSHIT so like i am pointing her toward the costumes and she is like "a large wont fit around my stomach im fat you see"
Seris: and im pointing to this one costume and am like "uughhhhh"
Seris: then something happened i kind of blacked out i think but anyway NEXT THING I KNOW she lifts up her shirt to show me her stomach
Seris: and shes like "SEE FAT"
Seris: and im like "....."
Annie_Felis: I need to do that to people when I'm old and fat.
Annie_Felis: Just walk down the street, and when people are pleasant to me and say hello, I'll go "SEE, FAT." and lift up my shirt.
DK: There's a Penthouse letter that starts the same way Seris
--- showdown at the burger joint
Myshu: Oh man, I have to tell you guys about this customer I got today
Myshu: He pulled up to drive-thru in a dusty pickup truck, wearing a cowboy hat
Myshu: He ordered the chicken strip meal, but wanted an extra strip added
Myshu: We were disputing whether or not he got toast with such a meal when he put us in our place
Myshu: "It's a three-strip meal plus a strip, not a four-strip meal, so I get a toast. You can't fool a cowboy; many have tried."
Myshu: So I said yes sir and gave the man his toast.
Myshu: I guess he earned it.
Drew: you'll always remember this day as the day you failed to fool a cowboy, Myshu
Myshu: Yeah, shame on me.
Seris: by a toast do you mean like a formal speech you address to the public or like a slice of bread
Myshu: Actually, Seris, to make the picture complete
Myshu: It was TEXAS TOAST
--- time lapse
K-chan: Stupid people walk among us.
K-chan: A guy calls up some customer service thing, and asks what the hours were.
K-chan: The customer service guy told him they were 24/7
K-chan: And the guy asked, "Is that eastern or pacific?"
Myshu: So at work yesterday, a woman my coworkers call "that lesbian" tried to pawn a shop vac filled with cat litter
Myshu: I found the cat litter after turning it on and having a plume of dust fill the store with the fine aroma of pet shit
DK: Myshu that's an appallingly disgusting story
DK: Are you ashamed
Myshu: Not enough
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
Myshu: So first thing today at work a customer tried to pawn a loaded Smith & Wesson .45
Myshu: Perhaps not the best thing to present to my suicidally depressed, disgruntled boss at nine in the morning on a Friday
Myshu: I sometimes wonder if the poverty and crime in my area has reached such a desperate level that nobody's even trying to be coy about it anymore
Myshu: Because this guy comes in today trying to pawn his "GPS man, y'know, for the car"
Myshu: And my boss looks squarely at it and says, "This isn't a GPS. It's a radar detector."
Myshu: So the dude just scoops it back up and storms out in a huff, saying loudly enough for all to hear,
Myshu: "Man, guys don't even know what they stole!"
Myshu: So at work for some reason we keep displaying expensive handheld electronics in a low glass case with no door on the back
Myshu: So surprise! Another mook reached over the counter and stole a Nintendo DS today
Myshu: One of the managers was in a huff, he called the pawn shop across the street
Myshu: "Hey if you see a DS Lite that looks like (blah blah) could you stop the guy? He stole it from us"
Myshu: "Oh yeah a guy just came in holding one of those"
Myshu: "REALLY? Is he still there?"
Myshu: "No we kicked him out because he's banned from the store for stealing"
Mozz: oh, the irony.
Myshu: The manager takes some dumb solace in the fact that right before his blatant on-camera theft he PAWNED a shitty XBox 360 game, so we have all his drivers license info
Myshu: "Dumbass gave us his ID before he left!"
Myshu: me: "If he's so dumb why did he walk out with a DS while we have a shitty XBox football game?"
Myshu: "...Go back to work"
papa_november: hope you wrote down the serial number
papa_november: (you do this with all systems right)
Myshu: Yeah of course, we take down model and serial numbers for absolutely everything
Myshu: We even list banal shit like "a small tear on the corner; cat hair in the buttons"
Myshu: "oh god is that a pube"
Myshu: Cops swarmed our store today, by the way
Myshu: Well, "swarmed"
Myshu: There were two, but they kept lingering
Myshu: It only got funny when one of them self-consciously remarked, "Looks like we scared away all your customers--there's nobody else in here!"
Mozz: it's funny, myshu, because it's mostly true ! :D
Myshu: It totally fuckin' was
Mozz: 5-0 showing up is bad for Pawning business
Hermit: shu were they trying to shake you down for protection money or what
Myshu: No, they were on a case, but it was kinda fucked up
Sancdar: the case of the stolen radar detector
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- pawne shoppe
Myshu: So, at work today
Myshu: Two huge nerds came into the store
Myshu: And I mean "huge" in both senses
Myshu: The saner one was wearing a black and purple dragon shirt
Myshu: The hopeless one was trying to pawn a bunch of crappy knives and useless calculators, AND
Myshu: A Master Sword.
Myshu: He was almost bragging about how much he payed for it off "the internet" ($50)
Myshu: as with most cosplay props or video game replicas or whatever
Myshu: You don't realize how totally unrealistic, badly color-coordinated, impractical or downright fucktarded an anime or video game weapon looks until you see attempts to make it REALITY
Arkstar: oh man
Mozz: (exhibit A: the gunblade)
Arkstar: (hey, I've seen sleek lookin gunblades)
Myshu: My manager tried not to laugh as soon as he saw a sheathed sword on the counter with a BRIGHT BLUE plasticy-looking handle
McNally: Oh, those fucking things.
McNally: I've seen pretty sweet Master Swords that had hilts that were a more subdued shade of blue that looked fucking awesome
Myshu: Anyway the blade WAS stainless steel, not really perfect, but it did have the triforce engraving
Myshu: My boss is like "tenbux"
Myshu: "aw man at least twenty?"
Myshu: We don't really take in a lot of specialty stuff, and this looked crazy enough, so "no man, tenbux"
Myshu: He shrugged and moseyed over to the rack where we keep swords for sale
Myshu: And started admiring shit I knew came out of some of the fantasy merch mags my mom used to order "DUDE that's a (super sword of dark blah blah fuck if I remember the name) it's in such good condition man that's awesome" *nasally snort over the fine edge of the blade*
Myshu: Anyway while we wait for him to shuffle off I engage in basic Zelda chit-chat
Myshu: "Oh yeah that Zelda yeah funtimes hey man look at the time we're closing soon"
Myshu: But he insists on showing us one more thing--me in particular, since I mentioned I'd played Zelda
Mozz: classic mistake, now he thinks you are a kindred spirit and he will APPROACH you, Myshu
DK: a Zeldanerd approaches
McNally: Did he show you his "ocarina," Myshu?
McNally: Did he invite you to "play" his "ocarina," Myshu?
Myshu: We go out to his car
Myshu: And he UNSHEATHS his SECRET SWORD
DK: BIGGORN'S SWORD
Myshu: (not his dick okay)
Myshu: It was ANOTHER Master Sword
Pipgirl: holy shit TWO?
McNally: A SHITTIER Master Sword.
Myshu: Nay, it was actually MUCH IMPROVED over the one he tried to pawn
Myshu: Much less retarded-looking, and the sheath was very nice with gold leaf
Myshu: (triforce engraving and everything etc)
Hermit: he's saving that one for when the Redeads take over
Hermit: and when everyone else is slaughtered by shrieking, earhumping zombies, he will stand alone
Myshu: Anyway boss is like "fifteen bux" and the dude's all "aww, nevermind. Couldn't part with it anyway!"
DK: lmao that's awesome somehow
Mozz: did he at any point say "it's dangerous to go alone, take this?"
Mozz: (if i ever meet a girl again who admits to zelda nerdery, and i want to give her my number, i may just say that myself)
Myshu: I admit I admired the blade more than I should've, more for the novelty than anything
Myshu: I mean how often am I gonna see the MASTER SWORD in a pawn shop?
McNally: You were awed, Myshu.
McNally: "Wow, some guy actually paid money for this."
Myshu: I was tempted to buy it myself (tenbux)
Myshu: But that's against store policy anyway
DK: Oh you can't even buy the shit from the store?
DK: That's pretty weak man
DK: That's like perk number one any other place
Myshu: I CAN buy shit from the store, DK
Myshu: I CAN'T buy shit from customers
DK: Oh yeah, I guess there is the issue of markup
DK: NEXT DAY
DK: MASTER SWORD FROM "DELZA" - $50
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
Myshu: I do have a Pawne Shoppe Tale today
Myshu: An older woman and a small child enter the store
Myshu: The girl is like 4 or 5, I'd guess
Myshu: I wasn't attending them, just standing nearby
Myshu: The girl tries to get the older woman's attention by grabbing her tank top by the bust and dragging her boobs down
Myshu: Which was funny, but that's not the point
Myshu: The girl utters something lost to me and the woman starts on a merry tirade:
Myshu: "No, I'm not Mommy. Your mommy's not here. Your mommy won't be here for the next month. And where is mommy?" she prompts, like a schoolmarm asking her to recite the alphabet or something
Myshu: And the girl cheerfully responds, "In jail!"
Hermit: the darndest things
Myshu: Thus dismissed, the girl begins to skip around the store, singing
Myshu: (I shit you not)
Myshu: "Bow chicka-bow wow"
Myshu: Over and over
Mozz: that girl is so ending up on the pole.
Myshu: "I don't know where she got that," the woman asserts
Mozz: yeah whatever lady
Myshu: "But it's okay, she doesn't know anything dirty"
Mozz: Auntie Hoochia
maggiekarp: alvin and the chipmunks movie had that in its commerical
Myshu: I almost killed myself on a floor buffer
McNally: A floor buffer, Myshu?
McNally: Army basic training is rife with weapons-grade stupid, and not a one of us even got HURT with the floor buffer.
McNally: Not even when we got bored, plugged one in, stood on top of it, and turned it on.
Myshu: Look man, that's what happened
Myshu: But I bet none of the tards at basic weighed less than 100 lbs
Myshu: Because I FLEW off that fucker
Myshu: Cord coiling around me like an electric anaconda
McNally: Well, that i can totally see.
McNally: I didn't take the fact that you weigh as much as my ruck into account.
Myshu: The worst part was that it was my manager's idea--he plugged it in for me
Myshu: He helps untangle me, I catch my breath and gunguy looks across the store at me:
Myshu: gunguy: "Rachal?"
Myshu: me: "...Yeah?"
Myshu: gunguy: *shakes head* "No."
Myshu: Very firm, like scolding a puppy
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- we need a biohazard sign on the front door (warning: gross)
Myshu: my boss actually has worse stories
Myshu: I'LL TELL ONE NOW
Myshu: Once upon a time my boss worked at a pawnshoppe where a crazy bag lady was a regular customer
Drew: I rate bag ladies by pussy.
Drew: that is to say how much they reek of cat piss
Myshu: Anyway the bag lady was a regular ornery bitch, smelly and dirty and bitchy
Myshu: And crazy as piss
Myshu: Which she demonstrated in her finest act upon the store:
Myshu: She went to the public toilet and smeared her bloody MENES all over the WALLS
BahamutChris: ... ... ...
* Drew cheers
Drew: haven't we all wished we could do that at some point in our lives?
Myshu: There's another lady like that, a total senile case
Myshu: Stood in the middle of the doorway and pissed herself while opening and closing her toothless maw like a starving fish
Myshu: Then she gets in her car and DRIVES away
Myshu: They give these people drivers licenses
BahamutChris: It is amazing
Myshu: The weirdest, though, was this fat white chick
Myshu: I only heard half the story, but it was enough--I'm not sure if this woman was crazy or really pissed off or what
Myshu: Anyway she was with her man and his truck, which was parked parallel to the storefront, a little ways off
Myshu: So you had to look out the window sideways to see it
Myshu: And for whatever reason, my boss did, and what he saw
Myshu: Was this big. white... ass emerging from the bed of the truck, like a lunar eclipse
Myshu: And then a titanic SPRAY onto the parking lot, from the ass
Belle: ....That's amazing
Myshu: And I wish like hell I knew the context, but I don't
Belle: There must've been hundreds of pounds of pressure in that projectile wet fart
Myshu: The majority was piss, actually
Myshu: I'm assured there was some #2 on the side
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
Brought to you by the pawn shop:
--- pawne shoppe
Myshu: These two kids were trying to buy the cheapest XBox game we had
Myshu: And their mom was walking out the door, yelling after them, so they hurried with the money part of the exchange
Myshu: And maybe I should back up a minute, because before even this happened, one of the boys
Myshu: Demonstrated how much he hates his cousin by putting him into a headlock until he passed out on our floor
Drew: that kid sounds like a caring and sharing young man
Myshu: The cousin got right back up and nodded affirmatively after my coworker asked if they got along well
Drew: ($20 says he will grow up to be a date rapist)
Myshu: Anyway they're paying for the game
Myshu: And he accidentally gives me one dollar too many
Myshu: Then starts bolting out with his cousin
Myshu: I was having one of many bad cases of honesty, so I tried to catch him to give the extra dollar back
Myshu: Except it would have probably come out better if I had yelled "hey wait come back" instead of "HEY. DUMBASS!"
Drew: customer satisfaction
Myshu: The kid didn't even flinch, though, it's like he didn't hear. He took the money and ran
Myshu: The customer I yelled right in front of did, though
Myshu: He laughed so awkwardly
Myshu: "Nice customer service," gunguy congratulated me
Myshu: Fortunately the boss was on the can
Drew: it's a kid
Drew: kids don't deserve good customer service
Drew: they deserve to get the fuck off my lawn
Mozz: DAMN RIGHT.
Myshu: That's actually what I said in my defense
Batajitsu: lucky the mother didn't hear as well
Mozz: oh fuck the mother too
Drew: women don't deserve customer service either
Drew: nor do indigents, negroes or the mentally deficient
Mozz: Drew, let's be Hatred-Buddies~!
Drew: FUCK YOU I HATE YOU
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
So one of my partners-in-crime, Nero, is about to start his new job. (You might know him as the guy who helps me color some dumb comic.)
To celebrate, this week's selection of chat logs come from the few, the proud, the shamefully employed:
--- call center
PikeBot: Man DK isn't here
PikeBot: I want him to be here so I can blame him for the actions of all arkasans.
Myshu: Wha'd they do today?
BahamutChris: Did they bite Canada
PikeBot: The third call of the day or so today was a fellw by the name of Jerry Armstrong.
PikeBot: I never checked his address, but there was ARKANSAS dripping off every syllable.
PikeBot: This first thing he asks for is the number for Joe Jackson, who is the VP in charge of customer service or something.
PikeBot: The SECOND thing he asks for, upon being told that I don't have that information, is the number of Bill Mannix, the CEO.
PikeBot: I tell him I don't have that number either.
PikeBot: Him: Do you mean you don't have it, or that you won't give it to me
PikeBot: Me: No, sir, I literally do not have that information.
PikeBot: Him: Ah would like to speak to yer supervisor
PikeBot: Me: OK, sir, I'd be happy to connect you to my-
PikeBot: I seriously don't have those numbers, BTW. I don't have any contact information that does not lead to a different area of customer service
PikeBot: Him: *Incoherent garbling*
PikeBot: Me: I beg your pardon, sir?
PikeBot: Him: (AND I SWEAR TO GOD THAT THESE ARE HIS EXACT WORDS) Y'ALL THINK YOU'RE THE ALPHA FEMALE GODS, AND I AM SICK OF IT
BahamutChris: ... ... ...
PikeBot: I'm...I'm not sure how to respond to that.
Myshu: Well. I love customer service.
PikeBot: He takes my silence as an oppurtunity to attack.
PikeBot: Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, assuming that I heard 'alpha female' wrong or at least that it came out of him mouth wrong, but NO as he REPEATS IT
PikeBot: Him: Ah have been given the runaround all day and I am sick you acting like the ALPHA FEMALE GODS.
PikeBot: Him: You are NOT the alpha females, and you are NOT GODS
Myshu: Man, was his TV set to Xena:Warrior Princess or what
PikeBot: Me(resisting the strong urge to point out that he is at the very least mixing his metaphors): Alright, sir, But in order to transfer you to my supervisor I need to have your account open, so could you please-
PikeBot: Him: Armstrong.
PikeBot: Me: (OooooohKaaaaaay, I DO need that information, but it's not what I was going to ask for) Could I have the last four of your social security-
PikeBot: Him: you may not
PikeBot: Me:(alright, I can open up his account with zip and last name. Not supposed to, but we CAN, and it'll get him out of my hair quicker) Can I have your zip code please?
PikeBot: Him: *gives me his zip code, sulkily*
PikeBot: At this point my Supervisor, whose desk is opposite mine and can hear every word: Oh god, it's Jerry Armstrong, isn't it. His last four are *last four*
Annie_Felis: Apparently Jerry is popular where you work!
PikeBot: So I bring up his account, but he's launched into another tirade.
PikeBot: Him: Y'all thing you're the all-important alpha female gods, but you're just a bunch of jumped up *something* who've watched too much TV WITH PARIS HILTON
Annie_Felis: I love it when dumb people try to sound intelligent and snarky.
PikeBot: Me: OK sir, I've got your account up here. Jerry Armstrong, correct?
PikeBot: Him: YES
PikeBot: Me: Alright, I'll just put you on hold for a moment, and transfer you to my supervisor.
PikeBot: I place him on hold, dial my supervisor.
Myshu: I'm sure he was thrilled.
PikeBot: Sup.: Hey, peter.
PikeBot: Me: Do you even need this guy's account number?
PikeBot: Sup.: No, I've still got his account open from last time. Send him through.
PikeBot: This dude called us THREE TIMES in a row.
PikeBot: Four, actually, but he got a different center the other time.
PikeBot: He literally called RIGHT BACK after the first one, and got me.
PikeBot: He then called RIGHT BACK, and got poor Zach.
PikeBot: Must be a full moon.
PikeBot: I've got the incident number for the account note written down for posterity, this shit is hilarious.
Myshu: So what happened, man?
PikeBot: Oh, he blustered for about twenty minutes at poor Alex(my supervisor), was informed that the answer is exactly the same as it was the last time he called in, and then he hung up.
BahamutChris: But what was the question? Or you never even found out?
PikeBot: I don't even know.
PikeBot: he never said.
Myshu: That's rather anticlimactic.
Annie_Felis: So okay, he calls up for help at a Customer Service center, but doesn't say what's wrong.
Annie_Felis: Instead he just screams his fool head off at people.
Donraj: Presumably he was tired of being ignored by the alpha female goddesses that head the company
PikeBot: I checked his note history for lulz, he had yelled and screamed so much that a member of the Executive Escalation Team(meaning WAY high-ups) took care of all his processing herself.
Donraj: I wish I could yell and scream my way up to the top of the company when I had problems
Myshu: You could've at least ended that story with a car bomb.
Myshu: "And then redneck terrorists struck the parking lot in chauvinistic vengeance"
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