Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

Female
from Bozeman, MT

  • Activity

    • Holy Fuckberries

      2 months ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      Time is so weird. For example, Spring semester felt like it was NEVER going to end, and then everyone was leaving and I was moving into my new place for the summer. It was a rough spring for me. I was way too overloaded with my coursework, and all that work caused me to be very stressed, hardly sleep, and generally not take very good care of myself. After pulling myself out of depression enough to start counseling, things started to get a little bit better. 


      Spring had some serious ups and downs, like starting Figure Skating (after years and years of wanting to learn to skate, I'm doing it!) and a major down of my horse getting kicked out of the barn where I boarded him (not his fault, crazy barn owner). The important thing is, my horse is happy, I still have a job that I love (and I'm working full time over the summer), I'm not very homesick despite the few friends I have here moving away for the summer, I passed all of my classes, and counseling has turned my life around. Also, I don’t have a brain tumor which is AWESOME news. I’ve had a rough life, and there was so much old trauma that I had never actually dealt with that was exacerbated by the stress of this past semester. But I am actively working on things, and this has been an immense source of personal growth for me. As always, I choose to try to find the good in what can feel like a sea of bad. There were so many times where I thought I was beyond my breaking point, but I pushed through and I made it. I’m still here. Take that, life! These challenges have shaped me, and I am thankful for them. 


      All that said, I am also very thankful that this summer has been a welcomed relief. Things haven’t exactly been perfect, but having some time to just work and have some time for me has led to some huge realizations. 


      1. Now that I’ve caught my breath I am a bit in awe of the fact I survived last semester, and I am proud of myself for not having to retake any of those hard classes. So many of my friends failed the classes, and I am just so thankful that I don’t have to take them again. I am even okay with the C I pulled in one of those classes. That’s pretty hard for me to say, the perfectionist that I am. But you know what? I am one of the few Mechanical Engineering students at my level who has never failed a class and is still in my major. (My major that has a 66% attrition rate. Yikes.) 
      2. I still fucking LOVE engineering. Sure, when you’re knee deep in the shit it’s easy to forget that you’re passionate about something, but goddamn I get so excited when I get to talk about the work I want to do in my field, and about the science we engineers apply to problem solving every day. Also, at my job I get to use my engineering knowledge for practical stuff and it feels SO GOOD. Taking a step back, I am certain that regardless of how hard engineering might be, I am where I am supposed to be. 
      3. I am scaling back my workload for future semesters. I technically could graduate in 3 more semesters, but I am not doing that to myself. It would require being overloaded and taking 5 300/400 level engineering classes at once. Let me personally say, FUCK THAT NOISE. I did that. Never again. At most, I am taking 4 engineering classes at once, and I’ll be taking around 12-13 credits so my workload is more doable. This will allow me to devote enough time to each class, and hopefully be a bit less stressed. In the grand scheme of life, what is taking one more semester when the reward is my sanity? (Also, I’ll be graduating on time with my peers, since I started college at 16. I think I can live with that.) 
      4. Although I didn’t accept the opportunity, I am so proud that I got offered a position as a TA for Thermodynamics. This class is notoriously hard, but I absolutely loved it and ended up doing very well in the class! I may consider TAing this class in the future. The only reason I hesitate is that I’m just trying to take a step back and ease my workload for the Fall, and being a TA for this class is a lot of work. Still though, very honored. 
      5. It seems like with each passing day, I feel older and more like a strong, independent woman. That whole immense source of personal growth thing wasn’t a joke. 

      This post wasn’t going to be this long, but I guess I had a lot to say. I actually came here to say that in two weeks, I’ll be arriving home in Seattle after a long ass drive, and two days after that, I’m hopping on a plane to Austin for RTX!!!!!! I feel like I spend all year counting down for RTX because it is always a highlight of my whole year. It’s felt so far away for so long but HOLY FUCKBERRIES IT’S ALMOST HERE! I am so excited to see so many friends I never get to see in person and to work the convention I love! I’m a PA Guardian for the third time this year, and I am as excited as ever. 


      Lastly, thank y’all for your endless love and support. I don’t know if I would have made it through these past few months without you. Not only will RTX feel like a reward, it is an opportunity for me to celebrate so many things with the friends, family, and community I love so fucking much. THERE WILL BE HUGS!!!!


      See y’all at the show!  heartpulse


    • Featured User!

      11 months ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      GUYS! I am today's Featured User! Hu-fucking-zah! caboose-32.png 


      A little background: I found Red vs Blue when I was 7 years old, and have been watching Rooster Teeth content ever since (damn near 13 years)! I made an account pretty early on, of course I lied about my age. Honestly, when I actually was old enough I was so embarrassed by the account I had as an actual child, I deleted it and started over with this account. Fun fact: the main reason I was in a hurry to get a debit card as a teenager was so I could purchase a sponsorship. (Because apparently throwing cash at my computer screen wasn't effective.)  :) 


      I could say so many things about my Rooster Teeth experience, but honest to God I grew up on RT content. This community means the world to me. RT got me through physical and emotional domestic violence, bullying, and so many struggles over the years. Getting to laugh, learning how to speak words dripping with sarcasm, and meeting incredible friends simply because we had a common interest in Rooster Teeth has been (and continues to be) so incredibly special. 


      I got into conventions and cosplay because of Rooster Teeth. I've been to RTX twice, but I've never been an attendee. I didn't go to RTX until I was 18, because I just wanted to be Guardian and have the opportunity to give back to the company and community I hold so dear. Both years have been incredible and I've gotten to do so many things and meet so many people I never dreamed I would get to. 


      I remember being a young girl and seeing the Featured User on the homepage every day and wondering if someday it would be me. It's such a small thing, but I'd be lying if I said a bit of that childlike wonder isn't still wrapped up in this today. 


      Thank you, Rooster Teeth. I don't know who I would be without you. It's not possible for me to imagine my life without this glorious cockbite euphemism in it. <3 



    • New Hair!!!

      1 year ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

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    • 1 year ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen
    • I had a really strange RTX dream last night.

      1 year ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      So to start, we were at RTX, but it was at my old elementary school here in Washington. It was more like a family reunion. Staff and PA’s, but there were some non-RT fans there too, I think they were family of people there. People were getting super drunk, and there were games, and slideshows, all kinds of stuff. Michael Jones was SUPER drunk and loud, and it was kinda crazy.


      Someone had asked me to go get something at the store that was across the street from the school (there isn’t actually a store there IRL) and it was like a convenience store with tons of booze. I was shopping, and Miles busted in there. Alone.


      Me: “Hey Miles, where’s Jordan? Are you good? Need anything?”

      Miles: “Jordan’s at a PA meeting. A bunch of PA’s are getting fired.”

      Me: “Oh no! What happened? I didn’t hear anything about that meeting.”

      Miles: “Really? If anyone should be getting fired, it’s you. Bitch.” *walks out chugging a beer*


      At that point I was completely shocked. Like what the actual fuck is happening? What did I do? Then, Gavin busts into the shop.


      Gavin: “JOHANNAH!!!” *hugs me*

      Me: “Hey Gav, what’s up?”

      Gavin: “I can’t find Charles, so we should hang out!”

      Me: “Uhhh okay.”


      Gavin and I walked back towards the party together and I was still wondering where all the PA’s were and what was going on. But I figured like what the hell, if I’m getting fired and no one has contacted me, I might as well enjoy what time I have left. Gavin was asking me about the location, so I was telling him that it was my primary school. This led to a conversation about the differences between the American and English school systems. Eventually, Gavin had to go to the bathroom. (The bathrooms were also right next to the store apparently.)


      Gavin went into the men’s room, and i went into the women’s. Suddenly there was a sound of a huge plane flying over and dropping something. They were dropping huge bags of supplies. I was thinking ‘What? Is this the fucking apocalypse?’ I grabbed a bag (they were like huge rucksacks full of survival supplies) and tried to find Gavin. He was nowhere to be found. The party was definitely over, and instead of my school, it was my county’s fairgrounds where I have shown my horses lots of times. I basically lived there during the fairs every summer when I was in 4-H.


      I tried to call Gavin, or anyone, but there was no phone service. I went to the gates of the fairgrounds where I saw a line of people. They were all being locked in these dark cells with their supplies. Apparently a war was going to go down, and we were supposed to be locked up “for our safety”. This is like some Hunger Games Capitol/interment camp bullshit. When they went to lock me in my cell, I pretended to trip and bump into the guard, and stole her extra keys. After we were locked in for a while, I opened my cell, and started creeping around the grounds.


      It was super dark, and because I know those fairgrounds like the back of my hand, I knew how to sneak around. I saw the only way to get anywhere was to go into the horse barn. There were tons of guards (think like creeping around in the Metal Gear Immersion). I was doing alright. I made it through the horse barn, and then I saw Gavin and another small group of people hiding behind a concrete wall. Someone in the group made a loud noise, and guards started shooting in their general direction.


      I saw someone collapse, and I started running that way. Once I got there, I saw that Gavin had apparently gone into cardiac arrest for no reason. And magically there was a defibrillator there! Everyone else there was losing their shit because they were drunk. They were just random people, not RT staff or PA’s. Then it was like a quest in some game to save Gavin. So I had to do CPR, use the defibrillator, everything. It was close, but he came back.


      Gavin: *wakes up* “Thanks boi. I guess your 8th grade health class was worth something.”

      Me: “Of course! Are you okay?”

      Gavin: “Seriously? That’s your first question? I bloody said 8th grade! Of course I’m fine. I just want it noted that I did listen to your description of the American school system.”

      *Meg comes running over, and it’s clear that no one is shooting anymore*

      *Gavin and Meg start making out*

      Me: “Well guys, glad you’re alright.”

      *Gavin and Meg both give me a thumbs up*


      The sun was coming up at that point, and I stood up and started walking towards the gates. There weren’t any more guards. But at this point. nothing was shocking me.


      Suddenly someone jumped out of nowhere, pointed their rifle at me, and I was ready to fight.


      Miles: *takes off helmet & mask* “Hey bitch, we got you good!”

      *Several guards come running and group hug me*


      The ‘guards’ in this group took off their masks, and it was members of the PA team! Maddy, Raf, Tim, Chris, Jordan, and James.


      At that point, it was explained to me that the meeting I missed was the PA team and Miles organizing this ‘Immersion’. Most of the Staff didn’t know about it, and they left me out of it because they thought it would be entertaining to see me deal with it too.


      Then we walked out into the sunrise, and I headed for the horse barn. Lo and behold, Charles walked out from behind a row of stalls with a giant boombox on his shoulder.


      Me: “You know, Gavin was looking for you.”

      Charles: “I know! I wasn’t getting more syrup in my pants.”


      *boombox starts blasting Party Rock Anthem*


      Everyone came out and started dancing and shuffling to the music. I woke up.


      When I went to bed last night, I had turned on an alarm for the time I needed to get up, just a random one. The song? Party Rock Anthem.

    • 1 year ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen
    • 1 year ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen
    • AgentWashingtub008 asked Johannah a question

      If you could be the next in line of a legacy superhero (The Flash, Captain America, Captain/Ms. Marvel, Green Lantern , &c.) which would you pick and why?

      Answered: Feb 3, 2016

      Definitely Captain America. When I wanted to pick a character for my first Marvel cosplay, I chose Cap without a second thought. I've always loved him. He's strong, he's sassy, and most of all he's got a good heart. He stands for all the best things inside a person, and he chooses to use his power for good, because he knows what it is like to be the little guy. I can relate to Cap in many ways because he just wants his chance to serve even though he has medical problems. If there was a real serum that would fix my medical problems and turn me into a super soldier, cowboy up.


      I'm not sure that I would be able to step into his shoes, but that would be my goal. Every day I strive to be a good person who fights; for the weak, alongside the strong, and for the right reasons. Plus I look badass in the outfit. :P

    • Moving On

      1 year ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      My best friend is having a hard time right now with her dad. She texted me something and I wrote her a novel in return. I started thinking about my own father. Something I hadn't done in a while.


      Holy shit. I haven't thought about my dad in a while. You mean the man (if he's even worthy of being called a man) who systematically made my life hell for so long isn't eating at me all the time? For so long I have wanted nothing more than to have my dad out of my life, but never really thought it was possible. Before I turned 18, there were visitation orders that forced me to see him, and years of allowing him to be at events to save myself dealing with him being angry that he wasn't informed made keeping him away impossible. The older I got, the more I realized that he contributed nothing positive to my life in any way, shape, or form. His presence was poison.


      I stopped keeping my mouth shut when he lied, insulted people I cared about, or threatened me, even though I knew that starting a fight with him would only cause a scene and sap my energy. I had long since stopped replying with the standard "Love you too!' when he said he loved me. If I was feeling really ballsy or if he took things too far, I even refused to call him Dad, and instead used his first name. It was in a parking lot outside a Starbucks when I was crying and shaking with rage and years of pent up emotions after I had given him an ultimatum, that I realized there was no chance of him ever changing.


      I will never stop wanting to have a father, to somehow make everything right again. But I saw once and for all, as I listened to the man whose genes I possess tell me he loved me but refuse to listen to me when I told him how many times he had hurt me, hurt my siblings, hurt my mother. He called me a liar, told me I was wrong. That he had never hurt me. The bruises my body once held and the hole in my heart beg to differ.


      The last time I went to one of my required visits was the same night I ended up in the hospital. I was growing very ill, and my father refused to let me leave the visit early even though I was running a fever, shaking, and barely staying conscious. This man who said he loved me multiple times cared more about having his 90 minutes with me in the corner of a restaurant than he did about my health. We went straight to the hospital from that visit, and my heart was as broken as my body.


      After that night, I was done. I didn't respond to any of his phone calls, text messages, emails, ignored him when he was stalking me and threatening me, everything. He continued to harass me, as he always does, but somehow it didn't bother me. What could he do? Take me to court? By the time he put together a case, the order would be expiring, and seriously? The abuse, the violations of my restraining order, the unpaid child support? He'd be awful brave to fight me in court.


      My 18th birthday came and went.


      I took a huge step forward when I changed my name. With the support of my siblings, my mother, and my grandma, I got rid of his last name. It may not seem important, but names have power. Changing my name to something I liked, something I wanted, a surname from my mom's side of the family, meant the beginning of a new era. Honestly, I could hardly wait for my dad to find out I had changed my name. I knew I shouldn't want revenge, but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that hoped it would wound him.


      The voicemails became less and less common. He showed up to some of my events without me telling him, confirming my suspicion that he is still stalking me. It didn't bother me. I could confront him and ask him to leave without getting upset. Even though I continued to be the adult despite him being the parent, he didn't hurt me the way he used to.


      Nothing will ever make all the things he put me through okay. Nothing will ever make my heart whole again. And yet, I forgive him. Not because he is worthy of forgiveness. Not because he's changed and it's alright that he wrecked my world, robbed me of an innocent childhood, stole so many years of joy. I forgive him for me. ME. I had to let go. He is mentally ill and would not accept help from anyone. His family that adored him, he destroyed. I spent years having a relationship with him, because I felt sorry for him. Staying angry at him only lets him win.


      I refuse to spend any more of my time being angry at my father. I will not waste any more time letting him dampen my joy. I will not allow thoughts of him to make me upset or to weigh on me all the time. It doesn't mean that I still don't feel my stomach and heart drop when I see someone who looks like him or when I see a truck like his. I'm not afraid of him, but it's a feeling any abuse victim can relate to.


      I'm so proud I've made it so far, and that I am doing so many things. I'm a completely different person than I was even 2 years ago, much less 10. I am confident, and I am strong. I've been through hell and I'm still here. I wouldn't be if it wasn't for my family, especially my mom. My friends have all helped me. All of you who have made it through this post are part of the reason I am moving forward. They say hugs feel so good because they push all the broken pieces of your heart together and make you feel whole again. I believe that. Thanks for hugging and supporting me. <3


      I never thought I would live in a time where I didn't have my dad's last name, didn't live in fear, and didn't go a day without dealing with my father in some form. Here I am, going some time without really thinking about my dad. I'll never be fixed, but I'm beginning to move past the hurt that has defined my life for so long.


      Hey Dad, those last voicemails I have from you where you told me I would never be successful, called me a liar, and were just plain mean to me? Yeah, I laughed my ass off. You're crazy, and I'm gonna laugh even more when I'm out here making my dreams come true, despite all the shit I suffered through to get here, and I won't be thinking about you.


      Have a nice life, or don't. I'm just gonna keep moving forward.

    • 1 year ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen
  • Comments (13)

    • DLGR FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold TheTallLoud1

      7 months ago

      HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        7 months ago

        Awww thanks darling!  heartpulse

    • IndiaRT28

      11 months ago

      Congratulations on earning the Achievement! "Featured User!" Enjoy your 100 gamerscores!


       whiskey-32.png  geoff-32.png jack-32.png  ryan-32.png gavin-32.png michael-32.png jeremy-32.png tower-32.png 

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        11 months ago

        Thanks!!! <3 <3 <3 

    • AnEnemyAI FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold IBTNG

      11 months ago

      FU caboose-32.png Proudda you 

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        11 months ago

        Thanks babe! caboose-32.png Miss your face! 

    • DLGR FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold TheTallLoud1

      1 year ago

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVELY~~~~~~~~~!!! HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!! XD

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        1 year ago

        Thank you, Marcie! You weren't kidding about every social media platform! ;) Can't wait to give you a big hug at RTX! <3 <3 <3

    • Tillyisfat FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 years ago

      Happy valentine's day Johannah! You're super duper rad and I'm so glad we're friends <333 have a great day dear!

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        2 years ago

        smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gif

    • Rocknelson FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      3 years ago

      I have a feeling that this is far from what archery class is going to be like the next few days...
      DDHS105_Medieval-Archers_s4x3_lg.jpg

      • Rocknelson FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        3 years ago

        now that is true

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        3 years ago

        Probably so. This is what we all look like in our heads though. :)

  • Questions answered by Johannah

    Definitely Captain America. When I wanted to pick a character for my first Marvel cosplay, I chose Cap without a second thought. I've always loved him. He's strong, he's sassy, and most of all he's got a good heart. He stands for all the best things inside a person, and he chooses to use his power for good, because he knows what it is like to be the little guy. I can relate to Cap in many ways because he just wants his chance to serve even though he has medical problems. If there was a real serum that would fix my medical problems and turn me into a super soldier, cowboy up.


    I'm not sure that I would be able to step into his shoes, but that would be my goal. Every day I strive to be a good person who fights; for the weak, alongside the strong, and for the right reasons. Plus I look badass in the outfit. :P