Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

Not Specified
from Kent, WA

  • Activity

    • It Comes in Waves

      2 months ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      They say grief comes in waves. I think it’s that when faced with overwhelming emotion, our minds turn up the background noise in an attempt to tune it out. This ‘background noise’ is the day to day - the mind-numbing status quo that can easily seem to dominate the majority of our lives. Crisis isn’t meant to be a permanent state. What happens when the trauma doesn’t stop? When you can’t heal? You get numb. 


      That’s not to say the numbness isn’t painful. But it’s not the pain that someone who has not become accustomed to crisis feels when their life quakes and threatens to crash down around them. There isn’t a life to come crashing down, the walls were never rebuilt. Every day you trudge through the rubble of crisis. This is your norm. You aren’t so foolhardy as to walk barefoot through this mess, you do what you can. Heavy boots protect your feet, but it doesn’t change the mess on the ground, or rebuild the walls - your hopes, dreams, goals. You are left in rubble, exposed and defenseless. 


      Before that life can be rebuilt around you, you have to shake off the numbness. Healing begins to turn down the background noise, and allows things to come back into focus. Reality strikes. Sometimes you take it in stride, other times it stops you in your tracks. 


      I got hit with one of those waves tonight. Things have been improving enough for the volume to get turned down, and tonight the depth of the trauma I’ve faced is piercing through the facade of silence. The crises of June alone humble me, and wounds I’ve carried for years ache deeply. 


      Before I made the decision to withdraw from University in April to move back home to recover and receive better medical care, I found myself deep in crisis. My body was a mess: every day a hurricane of symptoms, medications, appointments, tests, and pain. The frustration, the lack of answers, the growing pile of medical bills. And the stress, oh the stress. As if being an upperclassman in engineering isn’t hard enough already, add debilitating medical conditions to the mix and you will get a timebomb of a student. 


      Actually, what you get can be described in a single word: suicidal. I remember the night I almost gave up. My physical health was horrible, and my emotions sank right with it. Shaking violently, face numb, snatching sharp breaths between quietly stifled sobs; so desperately searching for a reason to want to be alive. Hating myself for wishing my heart would just stop beating. 


      The best I could come up with in those moments was my horse. Trip was there with me in Montana. I couldn’t do it to him. I had to be there for him. He needed me. Thinking of my precious companion - my rock through every struggle and hardship in my life since I was 14 - I took a single deep breath and called the suicide hotline. Then I went to the hospital, where they at least took the edge off of the physical illness. 


      Of course I always knew that Trip would pass away someday. I hoped he’d be old and snarkier than normal and we’d both know it was time. Losing him so suddenly was and still is such a shock. But I can’t imagine what would have happened if he didn’t make it back home with me. He waited until I was safe and stable before he left me. 


      As tears began to roll down my cheeks in the shower tonight, I reached for a towel to dry my eyes and was greeted with this sight: my sweet Lewis guarding me while I showered, as he has every day since I brought him home. He is my shadow. I think Trip and Misha told him he had big shoes to fill. I know for certain they’re watching over us. 


      It comes in waves. At times my heart is so full, and others that all-too-familiar hollow emptiness threatens to creep in. But by some good grace this heart is still beating. Good thing I have such a loyal watch dog. He protects me with snuggles as much as he does with low growls. ❤️

    • PA Team Lead!

      3 months ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      ‪So incredibly excited and honored to be leading the PA Team at RTX Austin this year with @GeorgeFromGeorgia! Y’all know how much RTX and the Rooster Teeth Community means to me, so being trusted with this responsibility is such an honor. My heart is full.  heart


      Lock & load, people! ‬

    • Holy Fuckberries

      1 year ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      Time is so weird. For example, Spring semester felt like it was NEVER going to end, and then everyone was leaving and I was moving into my new place for the summer. It was a rough spring for me. I was way too overloaded with my coursework, and all that work caused me to be very stressed, hardly sleep, and generally not take very good care of myself. After pulling myself out of depression enough to start counseling, things started to get a little bit better. 


      Spring had some serious ups and downs, like starting Figure Skating (after years and years of wanting to learn to skate, I'm doing it!) and a major down of my horse getting kicked out of the barn where I boarded him (not his fault, crazy barn owner). The important thing is, my horse is happy, I still have a job that I love (and I'm working full time over the summer), I'm not very homesick despite the few friends I have here moving away for the summer, I passed all of my classes, and counseling has turned my life around. Also, I don’t have a brain tumor which is AWESOME news. I’ve had a rough life, and there was so much old trauma that I had never actually dealt with that was exacerbated by the stress of this past semester. But I am actively working on things, and this has been an immense source of personal growth for me. As always, I choose to try to find the good in what can feel like a sea of bad. There were so many times where I thought I was beyond my breaking point, but I pushed through and I made it. I’m still here. Take that, life! These challenges have shaped me, and I am thankful for them. 


      All that said, I am also very thankful that this summer has been a welcomed relief. Things haven’t exactly been perfect, but having some time to just work and have some time for me has led to some huge realizations. 


      1. Now that I’ve caught my breath I am a bit in awe of the fact I survived last semester, and I am proud of myself for not having to retake any of those hard classes. So many of my friends failed the classes, and I am just so thankful that I don’t have to take them again. I am even okay with the C I pulled in one of those classes. That’s pretty hard for me to say, the perfectionist that I am. But you know what? I am one of the few Mechanical Engineering students at my level who has never failed a class and is still in my major. (My major that has a 66% attrition rate. Yikes.) 
      2. I still fucking LOVE engineering. Sure, when you’re knee deep in the shit it’s easy to forget that you’re passionate about something, but goddamn I get so excited when I get to talk about the work I want to do in my field, and about the science we engineers apply to problem solving every day. Also, at my job I get to use my engineering knowledge for practical stuff and it feels SO GOOD. Taking a step back, I am certain that regardless of how hard engineering might be, I am where I am supposed to be. 
      3. I am scaling back my workload for future semesters. I technically could graduate in 3 more semesters, but I am not doing that to myself. It would require being overloaded and taking 5 300/400 level engineering classes at once. Let me personally say, FUCK THAT NOISE. I did that. Never again. At most, I am taking 4 engineering classes at once, and I’ll be taking around 12-13 credits so my workload is more doable. This will allow me to devote enough time to each class, and hopefully be a bit less stressed. In the grand scheme of life, what is taking one more semester when the reward is my sanity? (Also, I’ll be graduating on time with my peers, since I started college at 16. I think I can live with that.) 
      4. Although I didn’t accept the opportunity, I am so proud that I got offered a position as a TA for Thermodynamics. This class is notoriously hard, but I absolutely loved it and ended up doing very well in the class! I may consider TAing this class in the future. The only reason I hesitate is that I’m just trying to take a step back and ease my workload for the Fall, and being a TA for this class is a lot of work. Still though, very honored. 
      5. It seems like with each passing day, I feel older and more like a strong, independent woman. That whole immense source of personal growth thing wasn’t a joke. 

      This post wasn’t going to be this long, but I guess I had a lot to say. I actually came here to say that in two weeks, I’ll be arriving home in Seattle after a long ass drive, and two days after that, I’m hopping on a plane to Austin for RTX!!!!!! I feel like I spend all year counting down for RTX because it is always a highlight of my whole year. It’s felt so far away for so long but HOLY FUCKBERRIES IT’S ALMOST HERE! I am so excited to see so many friends I never get to see in person and to work the convention I love! I’m a PA Guardian for the third time this year, and I am as excited as ever. 


      Lastly, thank y’all for your endless love and support. I don’t know if I would have made it through these past few months without you. Not only will RTX feel like a reward, it is an opportunity for me to celebrate so many things with the friends, family, and community I love so fucking much. THERE WILL BE HUGS!!!!


      See y’all at the show!  heartpulse


    • Featured User!

      2 years ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      GUYS! I am today's Featured User! Hu-fucking-zah! caboose-32.png 


      A little background: I found Red vs Blue when I was 7 years old, and have been watching Rooster Teeth content ever since (damn near 13 years)! I made an account pretty early on, of course I lied about my age. Honestly, when I actually was old enough I was so embarrassed by the account I had as an actual child, I deleted it and started over with this account. Fun fact: the main reason I was in a hurry to get a debit card as a teenager was so I could purchase a sponsorship. (Because apparently throwing cash at my computer screen wasn't effective.)  :) 


      I could say so many things about my Rooster Teeth experience, but honest to God I grew up on RT content. This community means the world to me. RT got me through physical and emotional domestic violence, bullying, and so many struggles over the years. Getting to laugh, learning how to speak words dripping with sarcasm, and meeting incredible friends simply because we had a common interest in Rooster Teeth has been (and continues to be) so incredibly special. 


      I got into conventions and cosplay because of Rooster Teeth. I've been to RTX twice, but I've never been an attendee. I didn't go to RTX until I was 18, because I just wanted to be Guardian and have the opportunity to give back to the company and community I hold so dear. Both years have been incredible and I've gotten to do so many things and meet so many people I never dreamed I would get to. 


      I remember being a young girl and seeing the Featured User on the homepage every day and wondering if someday it would be me. It's such a small thing, but I'd be lying if I said a bit of that childlike wonder isn't still wrapped up in this today. 


      Thank you, Rooster Teeth. I don't know who I would be without you. It's not possible for me to imagine my life without this glorious cockbite euphemism in it. <3 



    • New Hair!!!

      2 years ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      8CVzTql.jpg

    • 2 years ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen
    • I had a really strange RTX dream last night.

      2 years ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen

      So to start, we were at RTX, but it was at my old elementary school here in Washington. It was more like a family reunion. Staff and PA’s, but there were some non-RT fans there too, I think they were family of people there. People were getting super drunk, and there were games, and slideshows, all kinds of stuff. Michael Jones was SUPER drunk and loud, and it was kinda crazy.


      Someone had asked me to go get something at the store that was across the street from the school (there isn’t actually a store there IRL) and it was like a convenience store with tons of booze. I was shopping, and Miles busted in there. Alone.


      Me: “Hey Miles, where’s Jordan? Are you good? Need anything?”

      Miles: “Jordan’s at a PA meeting. A bunch of PA’s are getting fired.”

      Me: “Oh no! What happened? I didn’t hear anything about that meeting.”

      Miles: “Really? If anyone should be getting fired, it’s you. Bitch.” *walks out chugging a beer*


      At that point I was completely shocked. Like what the actual fuck is happening? What did I do? Then, Gavin busts into the shop.


      Gavin: “JOHANNAH!!!” *hugs me*

      Me: “Hey Gav, what’s up?”

      Gavin: “I can’t find Charles, so we should hang out!”

      Me: “Uhhh okay.”


      Gavin and I walked back towards the party together and I was still wondering where all the PA’s were and what was going on. But I figured like what the hell, if I’m getting fired and no one has contacted me, I might as well enjoy what time I have left. Gavin was asking me about the location, so I was telling him that it was my primary school. This led to a conversation about the differences between the American and English school systems. Eventually, Gavin had to go to the bathroom. (The bathrooms were also right next to the store apparently.)


      Gavin went into the men’s room, and i went into the women’s. Suddenly there was a sound of a huge plane flying over and dropping something. They were dropping huge bags of supplies. I was thinking ‘What? Is this the fucking apocalypse?’ I grabbed a bag (they were like huge rucksacks full of survival supplies) and tried to find Gavin. He was nowhere to be found. The party was definitely over, and instead of my school, it was my county’s fairgrounds where I have shown my horses lots of times. I basically lived there during the fairs every summer when I was in 4-H.


      I tried to call Gavin, or anyone, but there was no phone service. I went to the gates of the fairgrounds where I saw a line of people. They were all being locked in these dark cells with their supplies. Apparently a war was going to go down, and we were supposed to be locked up “for our safety”. This is like some Hunger Games Capitol/interment camp bullshit. When they went to lock me in my cell, I pretended to trip and bump into the guard, and stole her extra keys. After we were locked in for a while, I opened my cell, and started creeping around the grounds.


      It was super dark, and because I know those fairgrounds like the back of my hand, I knew how to sneak around. I saw the only way to get anywhere was to go into the horse barn. There were tons of guards (think like creeping around in the Metal Gear Immersion). I was doing alright. I made it through the horse barn, and then I saw Gavin and another small group of people hiding behind a concrete wall. Someone in the group made a loud noise, and guards started shooting in their general direction.


      I saw someone collapse, and I started running that way. Once I got there, I saw that Gavin had apparently gone into cardiac arrest for no reason. And magically there was a defibrillator there! Everyone else there was losing their shit because they were drunk. They were just random people, not RT staff or PA’s. Then it was like a quest in some game to save Gavin. So I had to do CPR, use the defibrillator, everything. It was close, but he came back.


      Gavin: *wakes up* “Thanks boi. I guess your 8th grade health class was worth something.”

      Me: “Of course! Are you okay?”

      Gavin: “Seriously? That’s your first question? I bloody said 8th grade! Of course I’m fine. I just want it noted that I did listen to your description of the American school system.”

      *Meg comes running over, and it’s clear that no one is shooting anymore*

      *Gavin and Meg start making out*

      Me: “Well guys, glad you’re alright.”

      *Gavin and Meg both give me a thumbs up*


      The sun was coming up at that point, and I stood up and started walking towards the gates. There weren’t any more guards. But at this point. nothing was shocking me.


      Suddenly someone jumped out of nowhere, pointed their rifle at me, and I was ready to fight.


      Miles: *takes off helmet & mask* “Hey bitch, we got you good!”

      *Several guards come running and group hug me*


      The ‘guards’ in this group took off their masks, and it was members of the PA team! Maddy, Raf, Tim, Chris, Jordan, and James.


      At that point, it was explained to me that the meeting I missed was the PA team and Miles organizing this ‘Immersion’. Most of the Staff didn’t know about it, and they left me out of it because they thought it would be entertaining to see me deal with it too.


      Then we walked out into the sunrise, and I headed for the horse barn. Lo and behold, Charles walked out from behind a row of stalls with a giant boombox on his shoulder.


      Me: “You know, Gavin was looking for you.”

      Charles: “I know! I wasn’t getting more syrup in my pants.”


      *boombox starts blasting Party Rock Anthem*


      Everyone came out and started dancing and shuffling to the music. I woke up.


      When I went to bed last night, I had turned on an alarm for the time I needed to get up, just a random one. The song? Party Rock Anthem.

    • 2 years ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen
    • 2 years ago

      Johannah Tetherball Mafia Queen
    • AgentWashingtub008 asked Johannah a question

      If you could be the next in line of a legacy superhero (The Flash, Captain America, Captain/Ms. Marvel, Green Lantern , &c.) which would you pick and why?

      Answered: Feb 3, 2016

      Definitely Captain America. When I wanted to pick a character for my first Marvel cosplay, I chose Cap without a second thought. I've always loved him. He's strong, he's sassy, and most of all he's got a good heart. He stands for all the best things inside a person, and he chooses to use his power for good, because he knows what it is like to be the little guy. I can relate to Cap in many ways because he just wants his chance to serve even though he has medical problems. If there was a real serum that would fix my medical problems and turn me into a super soldier, cowboy up.


      I'm not sure that I would be able to step into his shoes, but that would be my goal. Every day I strive to be a good person who fights; for the weak, alongside the strong, and for the right reasons. Plus I look badass in the outfit. :P

  • Comments (13)

    • DLGR FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold TheTallLoud1

      1 year ago

      HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        1 year ago

        Awww thanks darling!  heartpulse

    • indiart28 RTX 2017 Guardian

      2 years ago

      Congratulations on earning the Achievement! "Featured User!" Enjoy your 100 gamerscores!


       whiskey-32.png  geoff-32.png jack-32.png  ryan-32.png gavin-32.png michael-32.png jeremy-32.png tower-32.png 

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        2 years ago

        Thanks!!! <3 <3 <3 

    • AnEnemyAI FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold IBTNG

      2 years ago

      FU caboose-32.png Proudda you 

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        2 years ago

        Thanks babe! caboose-32.png Miss your face! 

    • DLGR FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold TheTallLoud1

      2 years ago

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVELY~~~~~~~~~!!! HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!! XD

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        2 years ago

        Thank you, Marcie! You weren't kidding about every social media platform! ;) Can't wait to give you a big hug at RTX! <3 <3 <3

    • Tillyisfat FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      3 years ago

      Happy valentine's day Johannah! You're super duper rad and I'm so glad we're friends <333 have a great day dear!

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        3 years ago

        smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gif

    • Rocknelson FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      4 years ago

      I have a feeling that this is far from what archery class is going to be like the next few days...
      DDHS105_Medieval-Archers_s4x3_lg.jpg

      • Rocknelson FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        4 years ago

        now that is true

      • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

        4 years ago

        Probably so. This is what we all look like in our heads though. :)

  • Questions answered by Johannah

    Definitely Captain America. When I wanted to pick a character for my first Marvel cosplay, I chose Cap without a second thought. I've always loved him. He's strong, he's sassy, and most of all he's got a good heart. He stands for all the best things inside a person, and he chooses to use his power for good, because he knows what it is like to be the little guy. I can relate to Cap in many ways because he just wants his chance to serve even though he has medical problems. If there was a real serum that would fix my medical problems and turn me into a super soldier, cowboy up.


    I'm not sure that I would be able to step into his shoes, but that would be my goal. Every day I strive to be a good person who fights; for the weak, alongside the strong, and for the right reasons. Plus I look badass in the outfit. :P