Time is so weird. For example, Spring semester felt like it was NEVER going to end, and then everyone was leaving and I was moving into my new place for the summer. It was a rough spring for me. I was way too overloaded with my coursework, and all that work caused me to be very stressed, hardly sleep, and generally not take very good care of myself. After pulling myself out of depression enough to start counseling, things started to get a little bit better.
Spring had some serious ups and downs, like starting Figure Skating (after years and years of wanting to learn to skate, I'm doing it!) and a major down of my horse getting kicked out of the barn where I boarded him (not his fault, crazy barn owner). The important thing is, my horse is happy, I still have a job that I love (and I'm working full time over the summer), I'm not very homesick despite the few friends I have here moving away for the summer, I passed all of my classes, and counseling has turned my life around. Also, I don’t have a brain tumor which is AWESOME news. I’ve had a rough life, and there was so much old trauma that I had never actually dealt with that was exacerbated by the stress of this past semester. But I am actively working on things, and this has been an immense source of personal growth for me. As always, I choose to try to find the good in what can feel like a sea of bad. There were so many times where I thought I was beyond my breaking point, but I pushed through and I made it. I’m still here. Take that, life! These challenges have shaped me, and I am thankful for them.
All that said, I am also very thankful that this summer has been a welcomed relief. Things haven’t exactly been perfect, but having some time to just work and have some time for me has led to some huge realizations.
- Now that I’ve caught my breath I am a bit in awe of the fact I survived last semester, and I am proud of myself for not having to retake any of those hard classes. So many of my friends failed the classes, and I am just so thankful that I don’t have to take them again. I am even okay with the C I pulled in one of those classes. That’s pretty hard for me to say, the perfectionist that I am. But you know what? I am one of the few Mechanical Engineering students at my level who has never failed a class and is still in my major. (My major that has a 66% attrition rate. Yikes.)
- I still fucking LOVE engineering. Sure, when you’re knee deep in the shit it’s easy to forget that you’re passionate about something, but goddamn I get so excited when I get to talk about the work I want to do in my field, and about the science we engineers apply to problem solving every day. Also, at my job I get to use my engineering knowledge for practical stuff and it feels SO GOOD. Taking a step back, I am certain that regardless of how hard engineering might be, I am where I am supposed to be.
- I am scaling back my workload for future semesters. I technically could graduate in 3 more semesters, but I am not doing that to myself. It would require being overloaded and taking 5 300/400 level engineering classes at once. Let me personally say, FUCK THAT NOISE. I did that. Never again. At most, I am taking 4 engineering classes at once, and I’ll be taking around 12-13 credits so my workload is more doable. This will allow me to devote enough time to each class, and hopefully be a bit less stressed. In the grand scheme of life, what is taking one more semester when the reward is my sanity? (Also, I’ll be graduating on time with my peers, since I started college at 16. I think I can live with that.)
- Although I didn’t accept the opportunity, I am so proud that I got offered a position as a TA for Thermodynamics. This class is notoriously hard, but I absolutely loved it and ended up doing very well in the class! I may consider TAing this class in the future. The only reason I hesitate is that I’m just trying to take a step back and ease my workload for the Fall, and being a TA for this class is a lot of work. Still though, very honored.
- It seems like with each passing day, I feel older and more like a strong, independent woman. That whole immense source of personal growth thing wasn’t a joke.
This post wasn’t going to be this long, but I guess I had a lot to say. I actually came here to say that in two weeks, I’ll be arriving home in Seattle after a long ass drive, and two days after that, I’m hopping on a plane to Austin for RTX!!!!!! I feel like I spend all year counting down for RTX because it is always a highlight of my whole year. It’s felt so far away for so long but HOLY FUCKBERRIES IT’S ALMOST HERE! I am so excited to see so many friends I never get to see in person and to work the convention I love! I’m a PA Guardian for the third time this year, and I am as excited as ever.
Lastly, thank y’all for your endless love and support. I don’t know if I would have made it through these past few months without you. Not only will RTX feel like a reward, it is an opportunity for me to celebrate so many things with the friends, family, and community I love so fucking much. THERE WILL BE HUGS!!!!
See y’all at the show!