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RapierGal
41 year-old female from Rochester, NY
pointed to RvB from a mailing list i'm on during Season 1... have been hooked ever since. I'm in a Medieval recreation group called Society for Creative Anachronism; I am a fencer, and do costuming, calligraphy and illumination. I also volunteer at the medical tent for the Falconridge Folk Festival every July.
I have a psychotic Cat.
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RapierGal
In and out and In again
not so good with keepin' it current, huh?

life has been pretty crazy, and truth be told I've been having a knock down battle royale with depression.

my health insurance kicked in last month so as soon as i get my Bush Bucks I'll be working on acquiring my own scrip for Happy Pills.

it has taken me a very long time to acknowledge and accept that getting a Rx for an anti-depressant or other such "adjustments" isn't a bad, foul, evil, thing that defines me as a failure and someone unable to manage their own life.

what I've slowly realized and have been working through (myself) is that my normal coping mechanisms that i've utilized for the last 20+ years are no longer enough. as i've gotten older i've stretched myself thinner and acquired more obligations and responsibilities... and i don't have the energy and focus i once had to muddle through it.

i scare myself because i'm suddenly so quick to anger, my anger is often irrational and intense and triggered by the smallest things. My road rage is down right certifiable. i catch myself with this furrow-browed scowl most of the time, i can feel my eyebrows settling low across my eyes, i can feel the frown tugging down the corners of my mouth... its this physical weight that just pulls everything about me 'down,' my shoulders, my chest, everything is just... down. i can't quiet that little voice in the back of my head that always goes on and on about how everyone is out to get me, or everyone hates me or i'm not good enough or they're all laughing at me or i'm a failure etc... and the voice is getting louder and more insistent. i see all this, i recognize it, but i can't stop it or reason it away.

part of that insufficient coping has involved pulling away from a number of things that used to take up so much of my time and entertainment... this isn't the only forum environment i've neglected, but i'm going to try and get going once more (and prob twice more, and thrice more, and so on... heh)

so yeah, if you were any kind of curious... that's where i've been... sorta. just, workin' shit out, ya know?

===
hmm, on the good news front... I am now a Microsoft Certified Professional. passed my exam 2 weeks ago. I'm documentably certifiable
4 years ago  |  Comments (3)  |  + 1 Zing!
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The Goods
Name Angie
Birthday May 19th, 1971
RAPIERGAL'S...
Music (in no particular order) Moxy Früvous Queen Van Morrison The Police Gorillaz Rob Dickenson Splashdown The Supers Russell Wolff Mike Errico Janis Ian Vance Gilbert Phantom Planet Robbie Williams Susan Werner Sarah MacLaughlan Classical Celtic Middle Eastern Jazz Lords of Acid Pat Magee Band
Movies Aliens Matrix (2 & 3 were ok) Kill Bill vol 1 & 2 anything Mel Brooks Pitch Black Equilibrium anything Jet Li Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon De-Lovely Moulin Rouge The New Guy LoTR Trilogy Napoleon Dynamite Spirited Away Chronicles of Narnia Howl's Moving Castle Airplane Practical Magic Dangerous Beauty Sneakers anything Kevin Smith... for starters ;)
TV Shows Queer Eye for the Straight Guy The West Wing 24 (well 1st season mostly) Myth Busters Boston Legal Lost Little House on the Prairie (can't help it whenever its on I have to watch it) Buffy Star Trek (any flavor) Farscape Medium Law & Order (any flavor I've been sucked in)