Rant
I remember at the start of my first year, when I was asked to write down the reasons for doing my course, to show us why we wanted to do the course, can anyone else remember because I certainly can't.

And now, at just over the half way point for second year, it all seems like a waste, having failed to achieve the MCDST (Microsoft Certified Desktop Support Technician) exam in my first year, I have been extremely hindered in obtaining the MCSA (Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator) qualification this year. Although there is still a chance of me obtaining this "coveted" qualification, it does seem a long way off.

I can't help but feel aggravated at others who don't ...

Rant
I remember at the start of my first year, when I was asked to write down the reasons for doing my course, to show us why we wanted to do the course, can anyone else remember because I certainly can't.

And now, at just over the half way point for second year, it all seems like a waste, having failed to achieve the MCDST (Microsoft Certified Desktop Support Technician) exam in my first year, I have been extremely hindered in obtaining the MCSA (Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator) qualification this year. Although there is still a chance of me obtaining this "coveted" qualification, it does seem a long way off.

I can't help but feel aggravated at others who don't try and barely put in any effort to their work or even to turning up. Although to be fair, I can't help but feel disappointed in myself as well, I haven't really helped myself, I never studied that greatly for any tests but then again, how can I truly study, if an answer is unknown to me and I cannot discover a proper answer, how am I supposed to walk into an exam and answer the questions confidently? Blind Faith? It does not work, I can tell you.

I honestly don't know how to feel any more, when I started this course, everything was going good. Reflecting back on it now though, things have slowly gotten worse and worse. I no longer care for the work, I simply want to finish the year and find a job so that I can have time to relax when I need to. But then I remind myself of the stark reality of my minimal qualifications and how little I may or may not achieve with it.

In fact, the monkeys exam from last year is all that I have (at the time of writing) and to be honest, isn't even the best, in fact even at the time of sitting that exam, it wasn't the best. I just don't understand why I can no longer keep this information in my head, I mean, I have an approximate IQ of 124, smart by most peoples standard, although accurately means that I just have a higher than average intelligence. I can recite Pi to 70 decimal places (although some will not believe this) and yet, I still won't be able to remember things that I have read and are written down in black and white.

Either way, it has simply been a spiral for quite some time now and the light at the end of this long tunnel seems barely visible now...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, albeit for different reason. The last two years have not been a waste, it carries some regrets but is not ultimately regrettable. Although it is hard to draw upon the positives at this time.

I honestly don't feel as if I have achieved a lot, although I probably have. I do have a new found knowledge that I once did not possess and I do have a new group of friends.

I turn 25 in two months and I don't think (personally speaking) that I have a great deal to show for it, although again, I probably do.

And I had serious doubts as to whether or not to write this because, while I want people to read this, do I want them to read this for the negative attention it is sure to promote? Negative attention is not good, I mean, no matter how people take this, my friends on facebook will either tell me to stop bitching and moaning or will tell me to man up, instead of trying to understand and empathise. Even the customers in my work who have my facebook will taunt me and won't help my situation. On the other hand, posting this on the Rooster Teeth website (here) will garner little to no attention. A pointless waste of bandwidth and storage space but I simply have to write this.

So ultimately, it comes down to this, what can I do, what will I do, can I still be anything I want to be, do my current life goals seem plausible any more, in fact, have they ever been plausible?

In the end, I suppose that my expectations on life in general have simply been too high or that I've underestimated life grossly.