2012
First of all, I want to apologize to myself for not writing a journal, or even doing much on RvB, in the past two weeks. I think most of my neglect stems from being on winter break; I have just been on full on lazy. Seriously, my days have literally been SW: TOR and How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. I have been anything but productive and it is kind of sickening. Like, I want to do something, but I don't really know what I want to do. I suppose a good start would be to reflect on 2011 and think about the lessons I have learned and then how I am going to apply those lessons in 2012. 1. Ashlea and I have been dating for 22 months. We will have been dating for 2 years come March. I really don't need to go into detail about our relationship, simply because most of you know what's up, but I will say that I have had my fair share of hardships and success. Obviously, long distance relationships aren't easy, what with not being able to be together, but I think the greatest trial of our relationship is just the three year age gap. Sure, three years doesn't sound like a lot, but there is a lot going on in our young adult lives. Most if it comes down to our differences in maturity and transitional experiences as we grow up into adulthood. I suppose the lesson here is that despite all of the hardships and the close calls, I'm glad we're both willing to overcome it all in the hope that we can finally be together in the future. When I take a step back and look at us, I believe it is nothing short of a miracle of how we not only found each other, but just how unbelievable compatible we are. I have yet to find someone who I feel comfortable enough to rapidly switch between intimately romantic to one of the closest friends I have ever had. Here's to another year for us! 2. College has given me a lot to think about from friends to career. Honestly, I am terrified about leaving. I have absolutely no idea where I am supposed to go, what I am supposed to do, and how I am going to do it. Yeah, I'm studying film, but in the back of my head, I really physically haven't shown any enthusiasm for it. I have nothing in my portfolio. I can't even finish Proteus, and hell, I doubt that is ever going to get finish. It's like I want to start at the top instead of working my way up there. If I am going to get serious about film, I need to set smaller goals and work my way up to it. Above all, I don't want Proteus to be the dream that fails. To that effect, I will be halting Proteus to work on other projects. I will focus on all of my other ideas until I am ready to make my dream a reality. I think by the time I am confident enough to actually finish Proteus I will be confident enough in my portfolio to go above and beyond Proteus. I want to be confident enough to look for internships, confident enough to start at the bottom and navigate my way to the top. I keep saying that Hollywood is the dream, and that I'd settle with less simply because I want to be financially secure, but I think it's time I start looking at Hollywood as a tangible goal. I don't want the fame or fortune, I want to be able to say that I accomplished my goal. And when I really take a look at it, there is going to be a lot of work involved. Not just my portfolio and my creative ambitions, but looking at Hollywood as the business that it is. I need to research every aspect of film: the actors, the directors, the staff, the demographics, everything. 3. In a more immediate light, my academic career has been slowly deteriorating. It's a mix between laziness and overconfidence. I've gotten all the way through High School and my first two years of College of just doing the bare minimum and excessive procrastination. That's gotten my mostly B's and a few A's here and there. However, after this first semester, I've gotten two C's and three B's; the worst I've ever done. And I think it's even worse knowing that while I sat around hanging with friends and playing video games with my door open, my floor wisely spent their time between studying and still managing to have pretty eventful lives. It is never too late to start trying to be better, so I think if I start treating school like an 8-5 work shift, I can still "come home" from 5pm-1am and still have plenty of time to hang with my friends and game. I've realized that as much as I like to game and spend time with you guys, we technically aren't going anywhere from each other. It's not like I am missing out on a whole lot when I take breaks from my online life. Sure, we have plenty of good times that I am happy to have shared with you guys, but the key word is "plenty;" we aren't going to run out of those. So, whether I've made it clear already or not, my online/gaming life won't be as "dedicated" as it used to be. I know that I can still be close to you guys through the many outlets: Skype, XBL, TOR, and even the celebratory summer visits. 4. The last thing are my relationships. I'm still debating whether or not I've been growing lazy or desensitized in maintaining my relationships, but I want to get to that point where I feel like I don't have to maintain the friendship. I just want to be able to have those friends I can always count on no matter the time gap between our meetings. I know it sounds counterproductive to want friendships that I don't invest a lot of time in, but it frustrates me thinking about all of the friends I feel like I am losing simply because I do not have the time for every single one of them. I suppose the best way to start is to simply maintain my friendships on a weekly/monthly basis rather than a daily basis. It's hard to explain, but the point is that I am going to try to give all of my friends the time they deserve. Here's to 2012! God loves you |
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